Miss Manners 11/14

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the polite way to eat large sushi rolls? Sometimes they’re too big to comfortably eat whole without gagging!

GENTLE READER: Dissect it.

Miss Manners does not usually condone deconstructing food in public, but these are desperate times. Use your chopsticks to pull out the insides and eat them separately. Then either squish the remaining rice and seaweed together and eat it in two bites or use the side of the chopstick to cut it in half.

Perhaps the sight of their beautiful creations being desecrated will inspire the chefs to make more manageable bites. Or at least have them wonder why everyone is suddenly ordering them as takeout instead.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friend and I were discussing dating reciprocity, and we both agree that even with “old-fashioned” concepts, things must be reciprocated. The gentleman will pay for dinner the first time, but then the lady must reciprocate the next time.

However, if the lady does not have an income sufficient to fund dinner for two at a restaurant, what should she do? If the relationship is new and she does not yet wish to entertain her gentleman friend in her home (unchaperoned), what are some low-cost options that she might offer as a next date?

I thought of a summer picnic, but are there other options that might take place in the colder months?

GENTLE READER: Coffee? Tea? Miss Manners will resist adding “Me?” – since presumably that is the reason for not hosting in her home (unchaperoned) in the first place.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Six weeks ago, a friend and I scheduled a meetup. We have not seen each other in person for more than a year. One day before our scheduled time, I texted her to ask where she would like to get together.

This was her response: “Oh, I did not put this in my calendar and we are leaving in a couple days to go overseas. Let’s reconnect in the fall. Apologies.”

Would it be rude of me not to respond to this text? Honestly, given that she did not even put our appointment in her calendar and did not reach out to reschedule or cancel when she made other plans, I don’t want to signal that I am OK this.

At the same time, I don’t want to send a snippy response – that’s not who I am. Can I let my silence speak for itself?

GENTLE READER: Friends should generally be allowed one scheduling mishap every few years. It is when it happens every time that we reconsider the friendship.

So while Miss Manners understands your annoyance, she suggests an alternative: “Oh, I am so disappointed. I was looking forward to seeing you, and had it in my calendar. But yes, let’s please get together once you are back.”

The advantage is that it will make her feel just a little bit bad – and therefore less likely to forget about you again come fall.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website www.missmanners.com.