If money is tight, is it OK to charge guests for Thanksgiving dinner?
Nothing says happy holidays like a cover charge.
With Thanksgiving here soon, you may have noticed online postings by would-be hosts asking whether it is OK to charge guests for their roast turkey and cranberry sauce. But it is part of a larger trend of people billing guests for food and drink that, depending on your point of view, is either a major breach of etiquette or simply pragmatic.
Recently, a caller to the “Maney and LauRen Morning Show” recounted how her aunt charges $10 per person attending Thanksgiving dinner. (She also puts out a tip jar. And, no, she’s not collecting for charity.)
The radio hosts were aghast. So was I.
Similarly, a debate erupted on Reddit last year when a graduate student hosting a “Friendsgiving” potluck dinner solicited $12 a person to cover the cost of the turkey. When one member of the group refused to pay, the host wondered if she was wrong.
Her subreddit community was deeply divided.
“It’s the inflated price that gets me,” wrote one person opposed to the fee. “That’s way more than a fair contribution to a turkey alone … it’s fair for the friends to contribute, but the way this is presented just looks like friends being asked to pay for a dinner party they were invited to.”
Others had no problem with it, with one poster writing: “Hosting a dinner can be expensive, (so) it’s not uncommon to ask people to chip in.”
These are typical rationales for an RSVP that feels more like an invoice:
• “It’s not fair.” The view here is that people shouldn’t be punished for not having enough money to celebrate (fill in the blank).
• “OK boomer, norms have changed.” The reasoning is that certain etiquette rules are no longer applicable, making it acceptable to expect attendees to help cover the cost of a gathering.
• “You can’t put a price on a relationship.” This one essentially draws a line between the cost, and how much you value spending time together.
I’m not convinced. There is no financial justification for a cover charge for Thanksgiving dinner or any other celebration. This trend of transferring financial responsibility from the host, who is traditionally expected to pay, to the guest is monetizing fellowship.
I understand that for many people, hosting the type of celebrations they want is beyond their budget. As Tuesday’s election results have shown, people are increasingly concerned about the affordability of food, housing and health care. Add in the severe cuts in the federal government workforce and recession-level layoffs in the private sector, and money is tight for many households.
However, instead of collecting cash from friends and family, here are six other ways to help reduce the cost of hosting Thanksgiving.
Potlucks are OK. If you’re tired of being the annual host because of the cost and labor, change the dynamics of your function by hosting a potluck. This is often the big cost-saver. Don’t just say: “Bring something.” Be specific. Several years ago, my family decided to rotate who hosts and how to coordinate who brings what for the meal. My niece and her husband usually do the turkey. My sister’s side dishes and my nephew’s crab macaroni and cheese have become fan favorites. I make the stuffing. We carefully go through the menu, assigning dishes that will feed however many are coming. It’s worked out great. We even designate one or two people to be responsible for the family games after dinner.
Simplify the side dishes. Does your Thanksgiving dinner suffer from menu bloat? If you usually prepare five or six different side dishes, choose the top three that everyone loves and skip the rest. Less variety means lower cost and less work.
Cut out the charcuterie board. Martha Stewart can afford a gourmet pre-dinner spread. You, not so much. Or you might have gotten into the habit of preparing snacks and elaborate appetizers to feed the crowd waiting for the latecomers. You can skip that. Be a stickler about starting on time. Additionally, appetizers can fill people up before the main meal, leading to food waste, which is why I offer the next tip.
Don’t cook enough for leftovers. Manage people’s expectations by announcing that you won’t overcook. Hosts are so accustomed to people taking leftovers home that they have takeaway containers and aluminum foil readily available. You might also graciously discourage invitees from making to-go plates even before dinner starts.
Downsize the guest list. If affordability is an issue, consider limiting the number of guests. If you have a skinny budget, don’t try to accommodate a bloated celebration.
Skip hosting. Just because you have always been the host doesn’t mean you have to accept the duty when you know your finances can’t handle it. As I always say: Live your financial truth. If the truth is that your money is tight, don’t shift the cost to your guests.