Trump told a female reporter to smile. Why women aren’t happy about it

At a press conference in the Oval Office this week, President Donald Trump berated CNN’s Kaitlan Collins for “not smiling” after she asked about the Justice Department’s investigation of convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein. 

“I’ve known you for 10 years,” Trump said from behind the Resolute Desk. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen a smile on your face.”

It wasn’t the first time Trump lashed out at Collins and other female journalists. Last year, he cut off a Bloomberg News reporter who asked about the Epstein files by snapping, “Quiet! Quiet, piggy.”

Women who have been told to smile throughout their careers sounded off on social media.

“It has never been a good idea to tell women to smile more,” Caroline Dettman, chief marketing officer and head of growth operations at World Business Chicago, ‌wrote on LinkedIn. “Even if it isn’t intended, the way it lands is both disrespectful and misogynist. I know because I’ve been told to smile more my entire career by bosses, clients, partners and colleagues.”

Is ‌asking a woman to smile sexist?

Celebrities like Kim Kardashian and Victoria Beckham have often ‌been scrutinized for not smiling for paparazzi photos. During her 2016 presidential campaign, Hillary Clinton was told to smile more. Serena Williams was asked why she wasn’t smiling after defeating her sister Venus in a hard-fought quarterfinal match. Actress Millie Bobby Brown was told to smile by a photographer on the red carpet for “Stranger Things.” “Smile? You smile,” she responded.

Research has found that 98% of women say they ​have been told to smile at work at some point in their lives, with 15% noting it happened ‌weekly if not more frequently.

Senior and executive-level position holders ⁠were most often told to crack a smile, even though research indicates that the average woman smiles approximately 62 times a day, nearly eight times the average man.

Many women view smiling on demand as a way to put them in ‌their place, though not everyone agrees, not even all women. 

Vice President JD Vance, who said he was in the West Wing when Trump made the remark, told Megyn Kelly on her SiriusXM show: “It’s actually, like, so perceptive. Even if you are asking a tough question, even if you take your job very seriously, why does it ‌always have to be so antagonistic?”

“I saw online that everyone is calling him sexist for saying that,” Kelly responded, noting that the late and former Fox News Chairman Roger Ailes used to prompt her to smile. “I literally said the same thing about Kaitlan Collins a year ago on my show. She never smiles. Every once in a while, you have to smile.”

Workplace experts say the comment can seem well-intentioned, friendly, ‌even innocuous. But many women don’t take it that ​way. They point ‌out that smiling is rarely a job requirement for men.

“Women are expected to be amicable and friendly to conform to gender expectations. Not only is it sexist, but also a hidden way to reinforce a power imbalance for women at work,” said Ruchika Malhotra, author of “Uncompete” and “Inclusion on Purpose.” “Men are not told to smile at work and them smiling or not doesn’t impact their ability to ‌be hired, promoted or their perceived leadership competence.”

That double standard forces women to conform to a narrow set of acceptable behaviors that can be damaging to their careers, Malhotra said. Be tough but not too tough. Be confident but not too confident. Be respected but also liked. 

“It’s a subtle reminder that workplaces weren’t built ​for you and you need to modify who you are to exist,” said Lauren Howard, CEO of workplace safety advocacy firm ElleTwo and host of the “Different, Not Broken” podcast.

Should women grin and bear it?

When someone at work tells you to smile, your first instinct may be to “plaster on the smile and apologize for the prior state of your face,” Howard said. But you don’t have to, she said. 

You can be direct, Howard said. “No one should get to police ⁠the involuntary movements of your face,” she said. “If someone tells you to smile in the workplace, you have every right to ​politely decline and advise them that your face is workplace appropriate as it is.”

Or you can use humor. “I’d make a joke about how ⁠I’d smile more if my male colleagues would join me,” Malhotra said. 

And you can confide in people with power and influence and ask them to speak up if it happens again or have a conversation with the person who made the comment, she said.