A GRIP ON SPORTS
Life can be tough. No doubt about it, especially if you are a Mariners fan. But there's an easy way to make it a lot more bearable – and by it, I mean life as well as being a Mariner fan. Humor. Read on.
• I was thinking about this yesterday while watching the M's play probably their best game of the year and losing, 1-0. Other than the obvious one about the Mariners' 2011 offense, I really don't know many baseball jokes. There's the one I learned as a kid, about the devil challenging St. Peter to a baseball game, which I relate later in this post, but other than that, not too many. Then it hit me. I know a lot of golf jokes, but little if any football or basketball or hockey ones. Is it because those sports don't lend them to jokes or am I just out of the loop? Then I had another revelation. The folks that read the blog can help me out. First off, we'll ask them which sports lends itself to the best jokes (my choice would be golf) in a poll, then we'll ask them to help me by passing along their favorite, family friendly (this is a must) sports-related joke. This way, when I am passing the time waiting to hit on the third tee at Indian Canyon, I'll have more ammunition in my bag to keep the folks in my group entertained. And believe me, that's the only reason why they bring me along.
• As promised here's my baseball joke, which I first heard, I believe, during a Little League practice. … So the devil calls up St. Peter and challenges him to a baseball game. St. Peter is a bit stunned but quickly agrees. The devil chuckles. St. Peter says, “What are you laughing about? We have all the great players here, Walter Johnson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner, Ted Williams.” “Ya,” the devil replies, “but we have all the umpires.” OK, I never said it was funny. I just said it was the one baseball joke I know. There has to be more – and better ones.
• Washington State: No, there is no significance that the first section that follows a discussion on sports jokes features the Cougars. This time of year WSU is the best place to start. Especially if you're an offensive lineman – and that was a poor attempt at a joke. Though Rico Forbes, who has been playing with the first team, the second team and the third team at right tackle might not be laughing after practice is over. He may just be too tired. Christian Caple has his story. Christian also has a post-practice blog post, with the information offensive lineman Denzell Dotson's DUI arrest over the weekend didn't keep him from practicing and, in an interesting juxtaposition, the news freelancer Howie Stalwick is reporting the marijuana charge against former linebacker Sekope Kaufusi has been dropped due to some questions about the search. Finally, Christian has his usual morning blog post which includes more on the news of the day and links from around the Pac-12. … A Cougar basketball recruit was named to a prestigious all-star team. … Thinking about next year's Pac-12 basketball season already? Jon Wilner certainly is. He's not too impressed with the Cougars. … Former Oregon basketball coach Ernie Kent seems set to be Colorado State's next head man. … LSU's coaching position is open and former Washington State coach Tony Bennett's name has been attached. Seems like a reach to me, though Laurel Bennett, Tony's wife, grew up in Baton Rouge and her mom still lives there. … We couldn't let the Bobby Petrino soap opera pass without some notice as the now-former Arkansas coach had this to say.
• Eastern Washington: Spring football is just another opportunity for the Eagles to showcase their deep stable of wide receivers, a group that just happens to be the subject of Jim Allen's story in today's S-R. … Root Sports and the Big Sky announced next year's football television schedule and the Eagles will be on twice – when they play the Montana schools. And yes, it's no joke. Those Montana schools dominate the broadcast schedule. … Speaking of Montana, the Grizzlies got back to spring football yesterday, sans former head coach Robin Pflugrad.
• Gonzaga: The Bulldogs owned UW in baseball this season.
• Chiefs: It's time to resume the WHL playoffs in Spokane, with the Chiefs hosting Tri-City tonight in the Arena. Jessica Brown had this preview of the matchup. … The Portland Winterhawks look likely to be the winner's next opponent, as they took a 3-0 series lead over Kamloops with a 5-2 laugher Tuesday night in Kamloops. The Hawks played without winger Oliver Gabriel.
• Preps: Jim Allen covers the local boys' soccer scene with his weekly notebook. … The weather warms up and so does the GSL baseball race, as Mike Vlahovich relates in his coverage of Mt. Spokane's win over Mead.
• Shock: It's been a long road back for defensive back Josh Ferguson, as Jim Meehan's story relates. … If you want to attend the next Shock home game, take our news quiz. Everyone who does is entered into a drawing. We're giving away three pairs of tickets.
• Mariners: Blake Beavan was just about perfect, but when the M's offense is matched up with Neftali Feliz (fixed for the second time), just about perfect is not good enough. At least it wasn't last night as Perez finally yielded a hit to a Mariners players – while he was Texas' closer, the M's never got a base hit off the guy – but neither he nor the Rangers' bullpen yielded a run. … The starting shortstop last night wasn't Brendan Ryan and it seems Eric Wedge was sending a message. … Another Larry Stone minor league report. … Bad news for baseball fans from Los Angeles, where 84-year-old Vin Scully wasn't healthy enough to be in the booth for the Dodgers' 50th opening day at Dodger Stadium. Let's hope it's nothing too serious. … Miami Marlin manager Ozzie Guillen is paying a large price for talking about Fidel Castro. Didn't major league baseball play an exhibition in Cuba not too long ago and didn't commissioner Bud Selig sit with Castro during a game? Seems a bit hypocritical, but that's nothing unusual.
• Sounders: Seattle will host Colorado this weekend and the Seattle Times' Joshua Mayes has this about the game: “It will mark the first trip to Seattle for Rapids midfielder Brian Mullan after making a tackle that broke Steve Zakuani's leg about a year ago.” If you saw the play, you might wonder if there will be a reaction when Mullan takes the field. Don’t wonder about it. There will be one. Though, as Mayes relates, Mullan isn't talking. A healthy Zakuani is shown above (I found a picture of the injury and the play, but it wasn't family friendly enough for this page). … Words don't seem to bother Sigi Schmid.
• NBA: Want to buy property around where Seattle's new arena might go? Well you're too late.
• Golf: Just thought this column on Tiger Woods was interesting.
• That's our report for today. Remember, I'm counting on you to make me laugh, but as I said above, the jokes need to be family friendly. That's not that hard, is it? Until later …