Couch Slouch: In the hypercompetitive world of NFL inside information, the big boys – ESPN’s Adam Schefter and Chris Mortensen, NBC’s Peter King and Mike Florio, Fox’s Jay Glazer – are watched by millions on TV and followed by millions on Twitter. The goal? To beat the other guy to bring us the latest scoop.
Couch Slouch has obtained an open letter sent to all 32 NFL franchises recently by one of the league’s former employees – social injustice, self-empowerment and shoe spokesperson Colin Kaepernick. Let me reintroduce myself.
Couch Slouch: In case you are wondering how long it’s been since you watched a men’s tennis match on TV, it’s because it’s been a long time. And why haven’t you watched men’s tennis?
College football is a thoroughly corrupt, shameful, depraved, ignoble, wicked, appalling, inexcusable, indefensible, unjust, unscrupulous, unprincipled, amoral, loathsome, hypocritical, warped, egregious, appalling, reprehensible and foul exercise in American power, greed and excess.
Okay, let’s take an unconventional, unvarnished look at this Dan Le Batard-ESPN diplomatic divide that popped out of the Bristol jack-in-the-box bin when I was on vacation.*
When I take a column vacation each summer – which often coincides with a reality vacation in Las Vegas – I am soothed by the extended break from the noxious nuttiness that usually provides my wakeup call every weekday afternoon the rest of the year.
Couch Slouch: We are in the midst of the World Series of Poker in Las Vegas, with the world championship $10,000 buy-in Main Event beginning July 3, and in its 50th year this annual festival dwarfs the World Series of Baseball in one very unmistakable manner: The World Series of Poker is a
I speak for all of America – except for the commonwealth of Massachusetts and certain pockets of New Hampshire and Portland, Maine – in stating that absolutely no one wants the Boston Bruins to win the Stanley Cup. In fact, absolutely no one wants any professional team from New England to win another title until the 22nd century, at the earliest.
Tiger Woods hysteria resumes this week at the PGA Championship, in the wake of his widely proclaimed “greatest comeback in sports history” last month at the Masters. I am going to say this one time and one time only, and I am going to be very, very, very, very, very clear about it: It was not the greatest comeback in sports history.
Couch Slouch is thinking of recasting this column as Gambling Gus because America – a rambling, gambling nation-in-progress since 1776 or thereabouts – is on the inexorable Manifest Destiny road to a coast-to-coast, around-the-clock, bet-until-you-drop-it-all Monte Carlo-like sovereignty. It’s not that everyone will be betting soon, but more people will, and most will be relieved of a good deal of their cash.
Couch Slouch: Think of the most fearsome, dominant individual-sport athletes of the last couple of generations; at their best, you had little chance of beating them: Mike Tyson. Michael Phelps. Tiger Woods. Serena Williams. Jason Belmonte. Usain Bolt. James Holzhauer. Yes, James Holzhauer.
Couch Slouch: LeBron James will not play in a ninth consecutive NBA Finals, and according to many pundits, it is because he moved to Los Angeles and went Hollywood. I don’t much like pundits, and if you tell me I’m a pundit, well, then, I don’t much like myself. Anyway, LeBron is the first order of business as Couch Slouch presents our annual incomplete guide to the NBA postseason:
Couch Slouch: As the National Hockey League playoffs commence — they are held annually at this time except in those years in which the entire season is canceled — I would like to apologize to my NHL friends and associates for decades of high-sticking, power-play neglect.
Couch Slouch: We have reached a tipping point on fan behavior in America. Of course, this mirrors a tipping point on online behavior in America. Which, naturally, reflects a tipping point on general behavior in America. In short, common sense is now uncommon and nobody behaves very well anymore. Where do we start?
As many of you have undoubtedly heard by now, bridge – the last pure sport in America and beyond – has been rocked by a drug scandal of Cansecoian proportions. Geir Helgemo, the world’s No. 1 bridge player, recently was given a one-year ban after testing positive for synthetic testosterone and the female fertility drug clomifene at the 2018 World Bridge Series in Orlando, Florida.