"How 'bout those Cougs?"
To be honest, we didn't think real people actually said that. At least not later in the week than, say, the Monday following a Saturday game. But we were wrong. Dead wrong.
At 12:21 p.m. on Tuesday at the Metro Cafe, a woman having a green salad looked up at a man passing by her table. And she said those words.
"Hey, Jerry, how 'bout those Cougs?"
"How 'bout them," he answered.
Now don't get down on Jerry. Sometimes it's hard to think of any other response, especially if your mind is far from football at the moment someone pops the question.
So we're here to help.
Next time someone asks you-know-what, feel free to trot out one of these prepackaged responses. Trust us. It's way easier than trying to be the first person in history to come up with a truly original response.
How 'bout those Cougs?
1. "Yeah, they're off to a great start. But I kind of miss seeing the Spokane TV anchors pretending to be all downcast over a WSU loss while making small-talk with the sports guy."
2. "What happened? Did some more players get arrested?"
3. "Say what? Are they doing well? I've been too busy focusing on ways to address this area's pressing need for affordable housing."
4. "It's great. When you think about it, this is what higher education is all about. Scholarship athletes attracting a TV audience."
5. "I'm sorry. So many of the players are Californians I can't root for the team in good conscience."
6. "Hey, it's easy to be a fan when they're winning. That doesn't take any loyalty."
7. "I don't follow volleyball."
8. "Boy, I can't wait for this conversation to be over."
9. "Yeah, things are looking good. Did you notice that I personally threw several key blocks and made a couple of big tackles Saturday?"
10. "Do I know you?"
11. "Can't you see that it's a dream and we're going to wake up soon?"
12. "Oh, I don't know. I kind of miss blaming the refs."
Real life in 1997: George Hale overheard a conversation at Auntie's Bookstore that gave him pause.
Woman No. 1: "I found a site on the Internet where you can shop at F.A.O. Schwarz for Christmas."
Woman No. 2: "Yeah, but that simply doesn't compare to shopping there on QVC."
Warm-up question: Are there any Spokane-area women named Sally who drive a Mustang?
Today's Slice question: If we invited all Slice readers to a party, would you come?
