Bottom Lines
Take that, self
Police Chief Terry Mangan suspended himself for two days last week. To punish himself further, he screamed obscenities at himself and poked himself repeatedly in the chest.
It might even work
Denver International Airport has finally decided to install a backup system to replace the faulty $193 million computerized system. About 400 guys named Moe will throw the bags on a cart and haul them to the terminal.
It’s not a yes, it’s not a no
Bush-Reagan motto: Just Say No. Clinton-Whitewater motto: Just Say “I Don’t Recollect.”
The simplified health care plan
Sen. Bob Dole is complaining because the Mitchell health care reform proposal is too long and complicated. Dole’s proposal is thousands of pages shorter: “It would be nice if you were covered. You’re not. Sorry.”
Good idea, more smoke
While our forests burn away before our eyes, we in the Inland Northwest are doing the logical thing: We’re setting fire to our grass fields, right on schedule.
We’re sort of sorry
I have obtained a copy of the apology the city of Spokane sent to CBS: “We are sorry you made a big stink when we stormed your hotel room and took a videotape that doesn’t show much anyway.”
A cash-based enterprise
The Senate decided overwhelmingly not to kill the $17.4 billion space station project. However, they decided to simplify the enterprise by just sending missiles full of cash into orbit.
That’s a lot of company
By the year 2030, the world will have 8.4 billion people. The good news, however, is that only about 12 of them will actually have to share your apartment with you.