The Hot Seat A Weekly Look At People And Issues In The News

A bunch of pachyderms will gather in private

Every itsy bitsy problem has become fodder for a congressional hearing these days. Lights! Camera! Action! But Sen. Bob Packwood will face the music behind closed doors. Instead of holding public hearings on allegations of sexual harassment, a six-member panel will decide his fate. The good ol’ boy network needs a session on the Hot Seat, but there isn’t one big enough.

Your mother is your aunt and you ain’t got no teeth, neither

Republican Rep. Mark Souder of Indiana needs to find a Hot Seat in two states, Kentucky and Tennessee. While investigating the Branch Davidian disaster, he suggested people in those states are a lot like David Koresh when it comes to having sex with minors. He said: “The only law that (the FBI) clearly established (Koresh) broke that I can see so far is he had sex with consenting minors. Do you send tanks and government troops into the large sections of Kentucky and Tennessee where such things occur?” He later apologized.

Please don’t smile so much; it hurts us

We see you every morning as we head to work. You wear shorts. You look so relaxed. You sip coffee, putter in your lawns or load your canoe on top of your car. You sit on your porches and enjoy the beautiful mornings of August. We dislike you people on vacation. Especially those of you with three months off. Yeah, we know you teachers work your buns off all through the school year. And the papers and lesson plans haunt you each weekend! But we still are so jealous, we can’t stand it.

MEMO: The Hot Seat is an irreverent look at controversial issues in the news. The views expressed are those of the writer. Today’s Hot Seat was written by Rebecca Nappi.