Cheap Seats

In his dreams

There are worse things than playing for Dodgers manager Tommy Lasorda, although Mariano Duncan may disagree. Duncan endured a nightmare last week in which the Phillies traded him to the Dodgers.

“How could you trade me to Los Angeles when you know how much I hate Tommy Lasorda?” Duncan asked Phils manager Jim Fregosi in the dream.

In his sleep, Duncan’s Dodgers were playing Cincinnati, and when Barry Larkin hit a home run, Duncan gave him a high five as he rounded the bases. The Dodgers promptly released Duncan.

Shortly after Duncan awoke from his hellish vision, he was claimed on waivers by the Reds. In real life. Now he can high-five Larkin any time he wants.

There should be plenty of time for dreaming, too. Like during games, when he’s in the dugout.

That’s easy for him to say

Jim Gantner Day in Milwaukee brought back memories of the former Brewers standout, who retired in 1992. The way he hit. The way he fielded. The way he talked.

Like when he spotted left-hander Donnie Hill throwing with his right arm and said, “Hey, look at Donnie Hill. He’s amphibious.”

Or the time he missed a radio talk show appearance and explained, “I must have had ambrosia.”

Or when asked what he did during the winter one year and responded: “I mostly stayed around the house. But I did take a hunting trip to one of those Canadian proverbs.”

Finally, there was the time Gantner was arguing with umpire Ken Kaiser that a baserunner had interfered with Robin Yount’s attempt to field a grounder: “That was construction!”

Robber barons at par

Dallas Morning News columnist Randy Galloway was impressed to see 55,799 turn out for the Cowboys-Bills preseason game in Toronto last weekend.

“Obviously, it was an NFL production staged without any input from the always-fertile financial mind of one Jerry Jones,” Galloway wrote. “Why? Because the tickets were priced so reasonably. The top seats went for like 20 bucks, American. Some portions of the upper deck had $7 seats. At Texas Stadium, for $20 you can park in the coveted blue lot and listen to a Cowboys game on the radio.”

Swallowing the bait

In a prank that wound up on TV, pitcher Wayne Gomes, the Phillies’ No. 1 draft choice in 1993 playing for Double-A Reading (Pa.), was summoned into the office of manager Bill Dancy.

There, Dancy and pitching coach Larry Andersen told Gomes that he had been traded - to the Yakult Swallows of the Japanese League. The trade, they told him, was unprecedented and historic.

That hardly made Gomes feel better. TV cameras showed him tearfully calling his mother before he was finally told it was all a joke.

The real joke will come when he’s called up by the Phillies.

The last word …

“And even in a practice game, the Raiders were entertaining and sparkling with potential. For a minute or two, they looked good enough to stay within a couple of touchdowns of the San Francisco 49ers.”

- Sacramento Bee columnist R.E. Graswich, after Oakland beat the St. Louis Rams in recent preseason game

, DataTimes