Appreciate Differences Of Others
Dear Dr. James: I am acquainted with two young professionals, both of whom I feel very close to. They apparently care a great deal for each other, but a deep cleft comes between them because one feels very strongly about her connection to her church, and her friend claims no attachment to any religion or faith.
I wonder if this is something on which you have written.
- Most Sincerely, Ann
Dear Ann: The problem is probably not religion vs. no religion but open-mindness. As we age and have more experiences, our intelligence changes. We become more aware that reality is fluid and self-relative. Mature people accept that they may not be right or even understand what someone else feels or believes. They argue less and listen more.
Some young people are open at an early age, some parrot their parents’ beliefs and experiences, some find a teacher or minister to follow. Your friend finds her church is an important part of her identity and does not want it threatened by someone who does not see its value.
You do not say how accepting your other friend is of her beliefs.
Tolerance is just as important on the other side. In a world of multiple beliefs and religions we have to accept our differences. One of the most dangerous character traits in a diverse community is the belief that your particular group holds a monopoly on truth. That attitude demonizes non-believers. This may not be a time in the lives of these two people when they can overcome their belief that they know something the other does not. If that is the case they can be friends, of course, but more than that is asking each of them to give up more of themselves than they have available to give. - Jennifer
Dear Ms. James: You seem to want emotions to prevail over facts and logic in our society. To believe it does is childish.
Do you really think all civilizations and people are equal, and that those who have more have received their “advantage” by foul means? Don’t you realize that some societies are naturally more advanced than others?
If you think that those who are “advantaged” should be forced to relinquish some of the fruits of their labors, have the courage to say so. Your assertion that people who have more than others don’t deserve what they have is bogus and undermines your credibility.
- Al
Dear Al: I despair that you can read into my column something I have not written or that I cannot learn to write more precisely. Facts and logic, when evaluating the problems of a society, won’t take you very far. History, experience and our multiple perceptions of reality add important information. People problems are not like engineering problems and even the engineers fail (Midwestern floods) when they think they can subdue nature.
All people and civilizations are obviously not equal depending on how you evaluate what is good or intelligent. Many groups or individuals have received their advantage by talent, fair competition and hard work. Many have been born to it, killed for it or received preference. I remember when women could not hold credit in their own name; and there was a time when women were not allowed to vote. Native Americans were not granted American citizenship until 1924. I remember when ads for jobs or apartments said: No colored, no single women need apply. These limits on voting, working and shelter did not have to do with intelligence or references, they had to do with whether you had the political and social advantage.
Many Americans want to believe that all is now well and we can start over with a clean slate. That may work for tearing down and rebuilding a house but it doesn’t take you very far in society. I am still pondering the UC Berkeley admissions assistant who said in a “pure test” system Berkeley would admit 19,000 Asians and 1,000 Jews. That ratio is fine with me. If we want to use the facts let’s use them.
I have never said that anyone should be forced to relinquish the “fruits of their labors,” and I believe in capitalism as a system that fosters freedom. I do say, every chance I get, that a democracy requires fairness to all its citizens and that fairness and justice require an understanding of history and its effects on our perception of reality.
- Jennifer
The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Jennifer James The Spokesman-Review