Old Situation Gets New Look

One film writer calls them adultery comedies. But infidelity is hard to laugh at, even if you’re safely disassociated and sitting in the back row with the lights down.

The latest in the genre has Julia Roberts (Grace) being cheated on by Dennis Quaid (Eddie) in “Something to Talk About.”

It’s not so much laughter as gleeful satisfaction that comes from watching Grace react to Eddie’s affair. This is not the normal behavior of your average wronged woman.

The script is by Callie Khouri, the woman who created Thelma and Louise. Just like them, Grace decides not to be the victim. That is, she refuses to suffer in the traditional manner, thereby inspiring triumphant whoops from the audience.

It’s a classic story. Husband goes out on wife. Wife finds out. Friends are scandalized. Then, what?

It used to be more tragic than it is. Maybe that’s what Khouri had in mind, to show a new way of dealing with an old situation. Maybe it’s a generational difference. Maybe we’re starting to see some results from the self-esteem movement.

First Grace doesn’t put up with it, even though her mother advises she should, saying things like “men are like that” and “it happens in the best of marriages.”

Second, she isn’t destroyed by it. She cries, acts out in public, considers revenge and swears a lot, as she deserves to do. But she doesn’t get stuck. She’s devastated but her life isn’t over just because her marriage may be.

Admittedly, many of life’s major detours would be eased if you had a rich daddy, handy child care, a sister as tough as a cougar and a cute replacement waiting in the wings. And you looked like Julia Roberts.

Still, the movie makes a good argument for a wife having something to call her own besides a husband.

There is a style of marriage that once was more common than it is today, in which a man’s job was his work and a woman’s work was her man. If anything happened to threaten the marriage, it was like the boss walking into the office with pink slips.

The scorned wife was not unlike the 30-year company man finding out that after all his years of loyal service he was being aced out. He was no longer needed. Worse, he wasn’t wanted. Even worse, he’d been discarded and everyone knew it.

Both loyal servants suffered the same emotional fallout when they were dumped - desperation, panic, humiliation, rage even - but the dedicated wife also lost her only reason for being.

Adultery isn’t funny, even though we have all kinds of terms which minimize its consequences. We talk about “running around,” “sneaking out,” “getting a little on the side.” In life and in the movies the philandering male makes some women nuts. And some women martyrs. It’s why a lot of us continue to care about Joan Kennedy and why we felt better when Jean Harris finally got out of prison.

A person’s sense of self is probably the significant factor in how someone handles a partner’s infidelity. It probably has nothing to do with one generation suffering it and a younger one dealing with it.

I think of a woman in her 70s who responded to her husband’s affair by finding a new, richer companion in his 80s. She said she had too much living to do to sit around and feel sorry for herself.