Beliefs Carry Us Through Tough Times

Sun., Dec. 17, 1995

Jennifer James The Spokesman-Rev

Dear Readers: I received this letter the first Christmas I was a Spokesman-Review columnist (the column ran 11/1/92). Even though they tell us the recession is over I know many are still struggling. I hope these ideas help. - Jennifer

Dear Jennifer: Over the years you have given me much comfort in your advice. Many times I have been unable to sleep until I figure out what I think your advice would be. I feel like we are friends.

This time I don’t know what to do. My husband and I run a small business that is not doing well. This winter could be a disaster. We are unable to pay our house payments, we lost our health insurance, we can’t pay all of our bills. I worry about being able to pay the power bill. I wake up in the night in a sweat. My husband does the same except he becomes more depressed than me.

What I would like from you is how to get through the holiday. We find it very hard to be at family gatherings.

Everyone seems to have so much “stuff.” I give what I can and don’t try to keep up. I am sure that we feel lots of jealousy. What should I do when I cannot sleep? This was a hard letter to write. I hope you know what I am trying to say.

- Karen

Dear Karen: Yes I do know what you are trying to say and I can feel the pain in your situation. Those of us who have had hard times remember them and know that we could easily return to those long nights. The one advantage of being raised poor is that we learn how to survive.

When I have been poor I have found that my beliefs are as important as the money I can make. Energy and optimism are necessary to survive setbacks. Try adopting a “pioneer spirit.” You may have already tried many of these survival strategies but I’ll list them just in case.

Clean out everything you do not need and make plans to sell it on consignment or at a garage sale. It feels good to reduce the stuff you have to take care of and puts you in a “survival mode.”

Join the food bank closest to you and offer to help out in exchange for food and supplies. Ask everyone you feel safe with about any resources they are aware of for people in temporary trouble.

Locate the closest and best healthcare clinic that provides care for people who cannot pay. Offer to help out by doing chores so they will be available when you need them. I believe in reciprocity.

Get a job of any kind to tide you over while your husband pares down the business to its most efficient. Look for a job that offers some other compensation, food, health care, employee discount, that makes up for low wages. Don’t worry about the opinions of others.

Call the power company and set up a plan now for when you run into difficulty. Do the same with all the creditors you are worried about. Set up a plan with your mortgage company. You will not be the first to need help.

Get someone to advise you and your husband (Small Business Administration) on what would help the business. Maybe it can be converted or you can take on a partner.

Use those long nights to make homemade food. Cooking and creating can restore the soul. Maybe some of your skills could create gifts for Christmas. Something with care and heart is so appreciated now when we are all worried and worn. Don’t try to sleep when you cannot; it will just hurt you.

Take care of your health in inexpensive ways. Eat healthy and exercise. Nothing is better for intermittent depression than exercise. Start going for walks

If times get even tougher consider renting out a room in your house or renting your house and living in a smaller place. I lived one year in a small trailer and it worked out fine.

The last resort I’ve used is to count your blessings even when it is hardest. We are still alive, we have each other, we can think up new solutions, we can ask for help. Even if you lose everything it is always possible to start over.

I know it is easy for me to list all these alternatives when I am doing fine. But I know many, some much older than you or me, who have been down to the bottom and with a belief in self and life have created a comfortable and safe future.

Hard times do provide gifts that cannot be found any other way. We are forced to learn resilience, confront the depth of our own character and to understand what is truly important. When this is over you will one day sit down for a cup of tea and smile at the power you two have within you.

Take care of yourself.

Jennifer

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