Plus The Homeboy Page By Snoop Doggy Dogg
Among the World Wide Web sites that those wags at Comedy Central would like to see:
“Madonna’s Biological Clock Countdown,” which includes a “Desperately Seeking Semen” personals ad and Madonna’s Ovulation Calendar (“Download your personal copy. Great screensaver.”).
“The Michael Jackson Collapse Home Page,” featuring a Real Time Skin Color Meter (“What color is Michael’s skin right now?”), Vital Signs Update and Cosmetic Surgery Archives (“Download Michael’s complete medical history from his very first nose job!”).
“Oliver Stone’s Paranoia Web Site,” featuring the “Trash the Truth” Conspiracy Generator (“Create your own revisionist history. Enter your name, the name of a dead politician, a war and a country and get your very own conspiracy theory!”).
Loose talk
Jennifer Aniston (“Friends”), on her habit of surfing the Internet: “I was up until 3 a.m. I can’t get away from it. It’s a sickness.”
Guess you could call them simian-nese twins
Michael Nesmith turns 53 and Davy Jones 49 today.
He certainly sounds like a rare breed, indeed
Responding to Madonna’s recent revelation that she might advertise for a sperm donor, a 38-year-old ex-restaurateur identified only as Eddie from Cincinnati took out a full-page ad in the Village Voice offering his services. “I’m from hearty Midwestern stock,” he said. “I figure she’s sick of the simpering Euro-flakes she’s been with.”
It’s hard to promote what you can’t pronounce
The artist formerly known as Prince has formally requested to be released from his Warner Bros. recording contract, citing “irreconcilable differences.” Said he: “The unstable and ever-changing management structure … has made it impossible for the company to effectively market and promote its flagship artists.”
As long as it doesn’t end up shortening his fuse
Fascinated by the Unabomber, but too busy to read his entire 35,000-word manifesto? The Los Angeles boutique You’ve Got Bad Taste is selling an abridged recording, sung by punk poet Exene Cervenka of X accompanied by “cheesy ice-skating organ music.”
However, he’s insisting that they paint it black
Rolling Stone Mick Jagger has paid $770,000 for an apartment adjoining his mansion in south London so his parents - 82-year-old Joe and 81-year-old Eva - can be closer to their three grandchildren.
What they’re trying to say is, he doesn’t fit
Speaking of house-hunting, the good folks of Santa Barbara, Calif., were none too pleased to see O.J. Simpson apparently checking out schools and golf courses during a recent visit. Said a local source: “When residents saw him, they immediately began calling real estate brokers and demanding that Simpson be told he wasn’t welcome.”
, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: 2 Color photos
The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Compiled by staff writer Rick Bonino