Many Avenues Available For Overcoming Shyness

So why are you sitting home reading the paper when you could be out having fun, meeting people, mingling, schmoozing. Could it be that you’re …

Shy?

If so, you’re not alone. (Actually, you probably are alone, but we mean in the larger, collective sense.) Thirty percent to 40 percent of Americans consider themselves shy, according to studies at Stanford University.

But there is shyness, and then there is shyness. It can range from mild discomfort in unfamiliar situations to full-blown social phobia.

Getting a handle on how many people have a serious problem with shyness is more difficult, said Long Island, N.Y., social worker Jonathan Berent, whose counseling practice deals exclusively with shyness. He is the author of “Beyond Shyness: How to Conquer Social Anxieties” (Simon & Schuster).

“I have a problem with the generic term `shyness’ because it’s too abstract for most people to get a grip on,” Berent said. “It becomes a problem when the person starts avoiding things, situations, people they shouldn’t be avoiding.”

Or, if they’re not actually avoiding situations, it’s a matter of “how much pain” they suffer while trying to deal with those people and things, Berent said.

Whether shyness is serious enough to warrant attention “depends on the comfort level of the person,” said Fowler Jones, associate professor in psychiatry at the University of Kansas Medical Center.

“Certainly there are people who are shy in one situation but not in another. They may be very shy with the opposite sex, but at work they’re a steamroller,” Jones said. “If you have a person with a 140 IQ working for minimum wage, that’s obviously someone who needs attention. But with most people, you don’t have that big a gap between ability and level of function.”

Extreme shyness can severely limit a person’s life, Jones said. Such a person is often “quite reluctant to initiate things or be the kind of person who takes charge of their own life,” he said.

How to make changes? For milder cases, Berent recommends self-help books - such as his - that teach internal techniques and positive attitudes for anxiety or stress management.

For more serious cases, professional therapy probably is needed. “One of the critical things to look for is group therapy,” Berent said.

Jones said there are other potential avenues that have worked for some people.

“One of the things that’s been around for a long time are organizations such as Toastmasters that can teach people how not to be shy and to speak in public. Or Dale Carnegie. They take people who are a little inhibited and give them skills and a little self-confidence or assertiveness,” Jones said.

“The assertiveness training you can get from a mental health professional can be very helpful for people who are so inhibited they can’t stand up for themselves in a socially appropriate fashion,” he said.