Cheap Seats

90 percent of this crowd is half-family

Former NFL fullback Alonzo Highsmith is coming out of retirement - to become a heavyweight boxer.

“Ninety percent of the people will be coming to see me get knocked out,” Highsmith said. “Five percent are curious, three percent are family and friends and the other two percent will be pure boxing fans.”

O.K., but let’s hear him repeat that after a couple of right hands to the kisser.

Starship Shamelessly Enterprising

William Shatner has boldly gone where no Star Trek actor has gone before: the world of pro wrestling.

Shatner appeared on last week’s Monday Night Raw show on The King’s Court, an interview segment run by Jerry “The King” Lawler. Shatner - best known as Captain James T. Kirk - was trying to promote his new television series, Tek War, but Lawler kept insulting him.

The two exchanged words, with Lawler throwing a punch that Shatner, 63, avoided. The Captain placed The King in a hammerlock but released him without using the Vulcan nerve hold. Lawler then charged Shatner but was monkey-flipped. Other wrestlers emerged to separate the two.

Shatner isn’t finished beating up on World Wrestling Federation performers - he’ll appear on tonight’s Rawshow in the corner of Bret Hart.

Shatner’s appearance is part of the WWF’s effort to regain the mainstream audience that has lost interest in the promotion in recent years. “Baywatch” star Pamela Anderson soon will appear in a WWF storyline.

And what does Anderson have in common with bigtime wrestling? For starters, they’re both fake.

What sort of man reads …

When Southern Methodist played in the Seton HallMeadowlands college basketball tournament earlier this season, it was a homecoming for coach John Shumate. He grew up in Elizabeth, N.J., and spent a few days proudly pointing out landmarks to his players. Then he discussed his high school career in a radio interview.

“I was the playboy of the year in New Jersey,” he said. “I mean, I was the schoolboy of the year. I guess there’s a pretty big difference in those two things, huh?”

Perhaps, unless he was actually the school playboy of the year.

Showboat

Figure skater Toller Cranston, 45, who broke an ankle in warmups, on why he won’t let it end his career:

“I have no intention of retiring in such a modest, inconspicuous way. If I break my leg, it’s got to be at least in front of television cameras.”

The last word …

“He was regarded as a buffoon by our players. He hasn’t changed. That’s why he has been fired more times than a Civil War cannon, to tell the truth.”

- Buffalo Bills coach Marv Levy, on one-time Bills assistant Chuck Dickerson, a Levy critic