A Second Look At Abortion

On the Perspective Page on Dec. 4, we ran four stories written by women who had undergone abortions and regretted them. They recounted their physical and emotional pain and their paths to healing. We asked other women, and men, to write and call us with their personal abortion stories. We hoped to raise the dialogue above the usual rhetoric on this divisive issue.

More than 60 people wrote letters or called Cityline. Many of the letters were several pages long, filled with passion and honesty. Some talked about their experiences for the first time. Below is just a small sampling of the feedback we received. As you can see, on this 22nd anniversary of the Roe vs. Wade decision legalizing abortion, the debate continues. By sharing personal stories, perhaps the debate can be transformed into a dialogue.

College student, age 23: I had an abortion when I was a freshman. Since then, I have had no melodramatic experiences with depression, loss, anxiety. I am extremely thankful that it was available to me. It was a safe procedure. The people were extremely supportive. It gave me the ability to continue my education without having to stop and be shackled by motherhood that I wasn’t ready for.

Woman, age not given: I was in college. I thought it was the thing to do at the time, but now I know that it definitely was wrong. I still wake up in the middle of the night screaming. I didn’t realize what caused it until I attended a post-abortion syndrome seminar at a Texas church. I am able to cope well; I am a professional person. But it has left consequences. I can’t go with other women anywhere out of town because I wake up with nightmares in the middle of the night.

Woman, age 40: More than 15 years ago, the condom my lover was using failed. I got pregnant. I chose to have an abortion and I have never felt guilty or ashamed about it. It was the best choice under the circumstances for a number of reasons. I was a working woman who learned a lesson about the fallibility of condoms. I will be forever thankful that abortions were safe and legal.

Woman, age 42: I was in high school when I became pregnant the first time, graduated valedictorian of my class, did go ahead and have the child. I never wanted children and was not a good mother. To be quite frank with you, having the child ruined my life. At 28, I had an abortion. I did not and have not since shed one tear. If that child had been born, it would have ruined my life for the second time. By the way, I am a very Christian person.

Woman, age 37: I was a 22-year-old college senior. I can still remember struggling on the table during the procedure, wanting him to stop. You see, I had hoped that my boyfriend would marry me, but he did not. Shortly after the abortion, he left. Many times I have wanted to track him down to tell him we made the wrong decision.

Mother of two, age 37: I had an abortion at 17 and another one at 19. Anyone who thinks that it’s the easy way out is fooling themselves. It took me a long time to come to grips with this, but I know in my heart that if I had it to do over I would choose the same thing. It was the best choice for me; it was the best choice for the fathers, and the best choice for our families. But it wasn’t an easy choice.

Mother of three, age 32. When I was 17 I had an abortion. My boyfriend at the time did not know about it. My parents found out about it the day after. I have been dealing with it ever since. I ended up marrying that same boyfriend, but 15 years later. And it’s hard to deal with on a daily basis. I believe in a right to choose but the personal experience has been very hard to handle emotionally.

Woman, age 39: I had an abortion when I was in college. I was a sophomore and I was going out with a gentleman who became my husband. I became pregnant by accident and I was really concerned about it at the time because I really didn’t want kids. The timing was absolutely horrible, so I had an abortion. I am still glad that I did it. We still don’t have any children and are not planning on having any.

Mother of four, age 43: My daughter had two abortions. I think she did what she thought was best for her. I don’t think she thought about what was best for the babies. I was 18 and in my first year of college when I got pregnant with her. Abortion wasn’t legal but the doctor offered to “fix me” anyway. If I had chosen the path my daughter chose, she would not exist. I don’t know that not choosing abortion made me a more moral person. I do know that I am glad I didn’t take the easy way out.

Woman, age 33: I had an abortion when I was 25. I was working in a temporary position with no benefits and no job security. Things were not working out with the guy I was dating. We had sex on only one occasion and we did use birth control. Having the abortion was a painful decision. I consider myself to be a good, caring, ethical person. The abortion did not change my opinion of myself, and I have never regretted it.

Married woman, age 27. I was just finishing my junior year in high school. The test was positive and I was petrified. I was at a clinic and the lady there was young and started to discuss my options with me. She weighed heavily on everything but abortion. She even went so far as telling me about her own horrible abortion experience. It is hard to imagine me having a 10-year-old child when at this point in my life, I am still not ready for children.

Mother of two, age 62: I was 26, divorced and living with my small daughter when I discovered I was pregnant. Abortions were not yet legal, but the father knew a place in Seattle. When the abortionist examined me, he said things were too far along. I was so relieved, I felt angels were singing. I had another daughter. She is now the mother of two little boys. I am so grateful for my blessings.

Mother of four, age 67: When I was 40 and in graduate school, I became pregnant by my steady boyfriend. The idea of having a child seemed totally wrong. I was divorced, poor and already had four children. This was the pre-legal abortion era, so we went to a clinic in Mexico. I felt little pain during the procedure and had no difficulty later. It just did not seem fair to bring another child into the world. I believe the unborn should have certain rights - to be wanted, planned for, cherished. I could not have provided any of those conditions.

Man, age unknown: I still remember well the day I picked up my former girlfriend from the abortion clinic. She was rather sedated and dazed. I remember the great sense of relief I felt, knowing that I didn’t want to marry this woman and there wouldn’t be a baby to complicate matters. I now know I was responsible for her shame, guilt and the loss of our child. If only I had been man enough to take care of her and the baby. I was such a spineless wimp! Fortunately, God has forgiven me; she’s forgiven me and I’ve forgiven myself.

Man, age unknown: When I was in college, my girlfriend went to a party with me. She had a few drinks and was feeling a bit ill. She took a nap. The next thing she knew, she felt a man having intercourse with her. Three weeks later, she realized she was pregnant. She weighed all her options, got lots of information and had an abortion. She experienced mild pain for a few days. Today she is a working woman with a career and a husband. She does not regret her decision because she was not ready to be a mother. We are still friends and I am thankful she shared her ordeal with me.

Mother of two, age 41: The year was 1953. It was Arkansas. She was 16 and pregnant. She refused the abortion her family planned for her. I’m very grateful for this woman’s decision. She was my mother. Many years ago, I was faced with the same decision. I made the opposite choice. I do not dwell on the child who would have been. Nor do I harbor any anger or guilt. Abortion is intensely personal. You can listen to all the advice and arguments, but in the end only you can make the decision that is right for you.