The Slice Keep It Zipped, Know-It-Alls

There ought to be a constitutional amendment requiring people to know what they’re talking about.

Round 2: Ellen Perrine, who delivers fliers, courteously took exception to our suggestion that the doorknob variety could help burglars.

She argued that languishing newspapers send a stronger signal because people expect the newspaper and usually bring it in promptly.

Yes, but you can stop delivery of the paper when you will be away.

Sing along: Rod Stewart’s “Passion” came on the radio during breakfast and Carole Poteet’s little girl announced that it reminded her of her mom. Carole and her husband made puzzled eye contact. They asked the little girl why. And she said it was because her mom looked so pretty when she was ready to go off to work. When the song’s chorus came on, the little girl joined in, singing “Fashion…fashion.”

One more? Anne Fruci’s sister thought Elton John’s “Benny and the Jets” was “Betty and the Jets.”

Enough already: “There are a lot of women out there with a whole lot of longing - perpetually, infuriatingly unfulfilled longing - and I, for one, am sick of them.” - Barbara T. Roessner, in The Hartford Courant

Instead of swearing: Vickie Hallett’s grandmother used to say “Get down couldn’t get up son of a biscuit-eating basketball-playing mother of pearl.”

And Linda Willard wrote “One hand gesture is worth a thousand four-letter words.”

In case you wondered: We received more nominations for worst-ever high school yearbook than we printed. But after a persuasive call from a reader, who essentially said we ought to pick on someone our own size, we’ve decided to drop it.

Warm-up question: What’s the best excuse you’ve heard in an attempt to get out of jury duty?

Today’s Slice question: How many Spokane residents will violate fireworks restrictions today? The Slice appears Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098.

, DataTimes