Visiting Men’s Room In Name Of Research
Is no place sacred? This question arises after correspondents in two disparate locations - Melbourne, Australia, and Ann Arbor, Mich. - wrote in to tell of some irregular things occurring in men’s bathrooms. In the land of kangaroos and wombats, a mysterious woman has been spotted slipping into men’s toilet stalls, ogling the writing on the wall. In Michigan, meanwhile, men are offering encouraging words to one another at the urinals.
All this in the name of mental health.
First, to Australia, where one Dr. Bev Thiele, senior lecturer in women’s studies at Murdoch University, has decided that the graffiti scratches in men’s bathroom stalls are the definitive revelations of the male species. Based on her research down-under, so to speak, Thiele has determined that men have actually devolved since prehistoric times, when they could at least share their wall art with the cavekids.
“In men’s loos,” Thiele recently told a Melbourne newspaper (“loo” is Australian for “place to hold one’s breath”), “it’s still gutter stuff. Yet on the walls of women’s loos, you’ll find discussion of abortion, feminism and equal rights.”
Dr. Thiele concludes that this shows the depravity of men. But it occurs to me that “gutter stuff” is what the toilet is all about. Where else would she suggest that we draw life-sized sexual organs on tiny stick figures, and compose charming odes to the offensiveness of our intestinal utterances?
Speaking of utterances, the ones you may hear while touring men’s bathrooms in Ann Arbor are “Attaboy,” and “Keep up the good work.” The men making these remarks would be social workers from the University of Michigan. The men to whom these remarks are directed would be the unfortunate sufferers of “bashful bladder” syndrome (BBS).
It occurs to me that bladders SHOULD be bashful. After all, they don’t get out much. But I’m informed by the UM Anxiety Disorders Program that bashful bladder syndrome actually refers to “the chronic inability to use a public bathroom when nature calls.”
The big problem is urinals. They’re out in the open. And this can cause some people to tighten up at just the wrong moment. “Their anxiety about being around others, or being walked-in on, interferes with their ability to urinate,” explains UM’s Joseph Himle, a leading BBS expert.
For most BBS sufferers, however, relief is possible. Himle reports that he’s found a way to solve the BBS problem in as few as six weekly sessions.
How? First, he directs his patients to small, remote bathrooms around the Michigan medical center. Standing outside the door, he reassures the patient that no one will enter, and gradually the patient becomes calm enough to get things flowing. Over time, Himle ratchets up the pressure. “I might even … bump against the patient to simulate a real-life situation,” Himle offers.
Eventually, the patient graduates to larger and more crowded bathrooms, culminating in what Himle calls “the ultimate challenge”: the sardine-can men’s rooms at Michigan’s 107,000-seat football stadium.
While football games are a bear for BBS sufferers, that’s not the worst of it, according to Himle. Some severe sufferers must buy homes near their workplaces so they have access to their own bathroom at all times. Most people, however, learn to cope by bypassing the open-air urinals in favor of toilet stalls with doors.
That is, if they can put up with the gutter art.
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