Cheap Seats

Too expensive to break

Tennis legend Ilie Nastase believes technological advances have hurt the game. Specifically, he’d like to see the large graphite rackets used by most present-day professionals banned.

“All the skill is going out of the game,” he said. “Players like Rod Laver, John McEnroe and Bjorn Borg could do wonderful things with a wooden racket. Now it’s boom, boom, boom.”

So, which racket style does Ilie prefer? “A giant graphite racket, of course,” he said. “So I can go boom, boom, boom with all the others.”

Becker would rather take chances with Lotto

Having run past Andre Agassi en route to a second-place Wimbledon showing, Boorish Boris Becker saved some of his best volleys for the week after.

“Agassi is not someone the players like very much,” Becker said. “He is always on his own and doing his own thing. He doesn’t have much in common with us.”

Becker went on to suggest Nike conspired with the AllEngland Club on behalf of Agassi, who sports Nike gear and, as the world’s No. 1 player, played five matches on Centre Court before Becker played one. “It cannot just be a coincidence that it is always Agassi at 2 p.m. on Centre Court,” Becker whined. “I think Nike (has) something to do with this.”

While Becker has a modest deal with Lotto sportswear, Agassi boasts a reported 10-year, $100 million contract with Nike. “They do not have enough money to buy me,” Becker said.

Late Show host David Letterman had fun at Becker’s expense, coming up with the German’s top 10 excuses for losing to Pete Sampras in the men’s final.

Among the best: No. 8: Didn’t want to spoil cool “Three-Pete!” headlines; No. 7: Shouldn’t have trained with that “Dorf on Tennis” video; No. 6: Was just giving her a ride to the corner for Chrissakes! (That’s a Hugh Grant excuse.); No. 5: Had the feeling Dick Enberg was undressing him with his eyes; No. 4: Prince Charles’ ears kept blocking the sun; No. 2: Distracted by Fergie making out with ball boy in royal box; No. 1: Three words: Grass stained balls!

Bonds steamed

It didn’t take Barry Bonds long to tire in the 100-degree heat during Monday’s All-Star Game practice. As soon as he could, the Giants’ left fielder headed for the air-conditioned clubhouse.

“Man, is it hot,” Bonds said. “I’m going to watch the home-run contest on the sofa with my feet up. I was getting dizzy out there. … This ain’t three days off. This is torture.”

Bonds is used to torture, of course, his big salary and cocksure style making him an accommodating target. Bonds couldn’t resist using his All-Star status against some of his adversaries in the media.

“This game is really important to me,” Bonds said. “Especially after all you guys keep writing and saying the fans don’t like me and I get the most All-Star votes. I can’t wait to take that award (plaque) and show my kids. In a weird 1995 season, with the divorce and other crud, something positive still came out.”

If Barry could only get a few Giants to come out.

The last word …

“Carlos Hernandez had been seen in public lately about as often as Hugh Grant. Only Hernandez hadn’t even gotten lucky once.”

- Ken Daley, Los Angeles Daily News, after slumping Dodger broke out for five RBIs against Reds

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo