No Secret Why Seahawks Fans Staying Away

I was troubled by something in the paper the other day and, no, it wasn’t the lack of color in the TV grid.

It seems that season ticket sales for the Seattle Seahawks continue to plummet, the reported total holding somewhere under 50,000. This is troubling not in a practical sense - we are, for better or worse, outside the blackout blanket which snuggles over Seattle in the event there’s no sellout - but in a philosophical one.

I mean, what more can this franchise do to market itself?

Never have the Seahawks - management, staff, players - pulled together with such singlemindedness of purpose to pique a community’s interest. We have players on court dockets for attempted manslaughter and vehicular assualt from Plantation, Fla., to Puget Sound. We have a coach who blew Hall-of-Fame numbers into the breathalyzer and has been accused of covering up drug-test results of players at his old school. We have ownership threatening to do an Al Davis unless $100 million or so in stadium improvements are forthcoming.

We have enough to entice “Hard Copy” to set up a bureau in Kirkland, don’t you think? Enough tragedy and substance abuse and scandal and lawyers to fill a year’s worth of Enquirers.

A line should be forming outside the Kingdome now. After all, look what getting popped with a hooker did for Hugh Grant’s new movie?

Hmm. On second thought, maybe the Seahawks haven’t turned over all the stones yet.

And it’s not as if the Seahawks haven’t tried to make off-season news in more traditional ways. They did fire Tom Flores and hire Dennis Erickson, who until he was pulled over for his serpentine down the highway was mostly famous for his won-lost record and happy feet. They did draft a game-breaker in receiver Joey Galloway, though in a grand Seahawks tradition they opened camp with him still unsigned.

Most recently, they have expressed interest in signing Steve Emtman, the ex-Cheney and UW warrior jilted by the Colts. The thought of a healthy Emtman on the defensive line is inspiring; the thought of Emtman’s glass knees at work on the Kingdome rug is frightening.

Still, no doubt you have some questions as things start to cook at camp. You can take your pick of answers.

Q: Just who is the most important new addition to the team?

a) Erickson.

b) Galloway.

c) Tight end Christian Fauria.

d) The law firm of Obfuscate, Maneuver and Pleabargain.

Q: What do the owners - the Behring family - mean exactly by stadium improvements?

a) More luxury boxes.

b) More restrooms.

c) Better sightlines.

d) The 49ers’ personnel in Seahawks uniforms.

Q: Brian Blades, charged with manslaughter on Tuesday, has yet to give police in Florida a statement on the death of his cousin, Charles, because he’s:

a) Too distraught.

b) Too busy.

c) Too focused on football.

d) Too guilty.

Q: Under Erickson, what’s the most important statistic for the Seahawks?

a) Pass attempts.

b) Pass completions.

c) Yards per completion.

d) Blood-alcohol content.

Q: Joey Galloway remains one of the few top unsigned draft picks. What’s he holding out for?

a) A six-year contract.

b) A $4 million signing bonus.

c) A free-agent escape clause after one or two years.

d) A Get Out of Jail Free card.

Q: If the Seahawks can get out of their lease and move, where will the team wind up?

a) Los Angeles, in that new stadium proposed for Hollywood Park.

b) Baltimore.

c) Florida. There must be one or two cities left without NFL franchises there.

d) In the Federal Witness Protection program.

, DataTimes MEMO: You can contact John Blanchette by voice mail at 459-5577, extension 5509.

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