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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Cheap Seats

Everyone else has a cellular

Ever so frequently, the Seattle Mariners are reminded of the absence of Ken Griffey Jr. Now it’s the ringing of the telephone on the wall by Griffey’s locker. “I just miss Junior answering the phones,” said Chris Bosio. “Half the calls are for him anyway.”

Her beaus comprise the Bum of the Month club

No one ever accused Madonna of not being a sport, a distinction she continued to live up to Thursday when she introduced former heavyweight champion Muhammad Ali at the annual Parkinson’s Disease Foundation dinner.

That’s right, Madonna. Dennis Rodman’s ex was chosen because “she is a big fan of boxing and of Ali,” according to Page Morton Black, who heads the foundation.

“We’re very much alike in many ways,” Madonna insisted. “We have espoused unpopular causes. We are arrogant. We like to have our picture taken and we are the greatest.”

Madonna’s New York apartment has a “Boxing Hall of Fame” wall, with pictures of Ali, Joe Louis and Sugar Ray Robinson.

Why boxing? “I love the brutality,” Madonna said.

Ali says the same thing about her music.

Our hero

Few holes-in-one have been as unlikely as Alan Nelson’s first at Whispering Pines in Hurley, Miss. It came on the par-4 13th - 325 yards long.

“Even after that, I shot a 104,” said the 21-year-old Nelson. “It was purely luck. I only play a couple of times a week and I’ve only been playing for two years.

“I knew it was going to be a long ball. We never saw it drop. We thought it went off the back of the green.”

So Nelson’s foursome searched the rough and sand traps for the ball. His one-in-a-million shot wasn’t discovered until a woman playing through noticed two golf balls in the cup.

The old math

The Florida Marlins’ dismal start stirred up this anecdote from numbers-cruncher Steve Hirdt of the Elias Sports Bureau, baseball’s statistical nerve center.

Hirdt was 11 when the Mets were born. Jazzed by a roster that included Roger Craig and Gil Hodges, young Steve said, “Dad, they might win the pennant.”

Dad gave it to Steve straight: “They’re a .250 team.”

Young Mr. Stats calculated it was mathematically impossible for the Mets to finish .250 in 162 games. Maybe .247 or .253, but .250 on the nose, no way.

“Bet you a dollar they don’t finish .250,” said Steve.

But the Mets had two rain outs and finished 40-120 - .250. “That’s the last time I bet my dad,” he said.

Gamblers unanimous

Infielder Garey Ingram refused to take part in the Dodgers’ Indy 500 pool until teammate Tim Wallach told him he’d be fined $50 if he didn’t enter. So for his $20 entry, Ingram drew winner Jacques Villenueve.

“I’ll have to get into these things more often,” Ingram said.

Good idea, Garey. See Pete Rose.

The last word …

“If he wouldn’t have won it, that would have been a big surprise. The NBA would have had the legitimacy of Don King Productions.”

- Sean Elliott, on MVP teammate David Robinson

, DataTimes