For Whom The Ball Tolls

Check the U.S. Basketball League standings (and you do religiously, we know) and you’ll see the New Jersey Turnpikes near the top - which should be a smile for the tollbooth set at the New Jersey Turnpike Authority, right? Uh-uh. Upon hearing of the name, the authority’s lawyers got in touch with general manager Dan Lunde. ‘They wanted us to cease and desist,” he said. “They said people will think they are sponsoring us.”

Eventually, the authority relented - as long as the team adds to its news releases and advertising a statement saying “The Jersey Turnpikes are not sponsored or otherwise affiliated with the New Jersey Turnpike Authority.”

But what happens if the Turnpikes have to exit the playoffs?

They don’t call him ‘Riles’ for nothing

Turning down $3 million to coach the Knicks again shows how Pat Riley’s relationship with upper management had deteriorated, but what about his relationship with his players? Doc Rivers told Newsday’s Shaun Powell a story that summed it up.

“During a trip, Rivers and Derek Harper stepped inside a hotel elevator,” writes Powell. “Just as the doors began to close, a hand pried them open, and Riley joined the players. They were the only passengers.

“During the ride up, Riley never acknowledged Rivers or Harper, never spoke, never even glanced in their direction. He stared straight ahead. When the doors opened and Riley stepped off, Harper and Rivers looked at each other in disbelief.”

And to think he might have been saving the silent treatment for Anthony Mason.

Ingrate moments in sports

St. Louis took the Rams and now it wants their lockers, too. Movers tried to take 63 dressing stalls from Anaheim Stadium, but officials had the clubhouse locks changed to prevent it.

“We had scheduled with the city to remove the lockers,” said Mary Kromolowski, the Rams’ executive director of administration. “We designed and built them. They were originally built for $400 apiece.

“We’ve had enough problems with the city, we certainly didn’t need this.”

Responded stadium general manager Greg Smith, “The lockers are attached, they are part of the building. When you sell your house, would you expect to take your kitchen cabinets with you?” Sniffed Kromolowski, “Our feeling is they’re giving us a bad time. I’m sad, I don’t want to see this blow up. I’m just sad that this is their farewell.”

When a simple “good riddance” could have sufficed.

From the New York Times’ best-suer list …

Charles Barkley once wrote his autobiography and complained he was misquoted. Mary Pierce, of tennis’ dysfunctional first family, has gone one better. Rather than take her autobiography on the traditional book tour, Pierce asked a French judge to ban publication of “Mary Pierce: My Life On Court, Off Court.”

The last word …

“I can’t really read it, but then again, I couldn’t read Willie Mays’ signature either.”

- Cubs bench coach Max Oliveras, on getting a baseball autographed by Dodgers phenom Hideo Nomo

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo