People Do Best When Open To Considering The Ideas Of Others

‘A dead atheist is someone who’s all dressed up with no place to go.” - James Duffecy

Dear Ms. James: After reading your commentary on “bombardment of news can make you cynical,” I am reminded that when we immerse ourselves deeply into any issue, dogma, etc. for too long, we become not only cynical but also jaded and narrow in focus. We constrict our tolerance for other views.

By backing off, resting and looking again from a wider scan, we can then re-approach them with a better understanding, and perhaps a softer spirit. - Ron

Dear Ron: Yes! Homo sapiens have survived because it is the most flexible of the species. But when we don’t understand an issue or a change, the temptation is to become rigid. We go for narrow, single-issue politics or beliefs instead of holding our mind open to both sides.

Most rigid groups don’t allow their followers to question or to consider other points of view because their hold on their members is based on control of their beliefs. Most of the tragedies in history are connected to religious and political rigidity.

News often does the same thing; it records the extremes. Now that so much of the news is manufactured and magnified, we lose our perspective if we watch too much of it.

One reader complained that I was suggesting people be uninformed. There are many ways to stay informed, which I listed in that commentary (Jan. 29), that are not dependent on the repetitive hype of non-events. - Jennifer

Ms. James: In your column, “Language sends signals about what we think,” you said “we believe in the pursuit of happiness,” then you immediately followed it with “to be happy.”

The fact that almost all of us confuse “pursuit” with “to be” happy does indeed send signals. - Tom

Dear Tom: I agree with your idea that we “work” toward happiness rather than being “entitled” to happiness. Personal responsibility is basic for me regardless of constitutional language like “pursuit” or everyday language like “happy.”

One of the justifications for the “Contract with America” is our increasing lack of personal responsibility for family, children, work, behavior, accidents, mistakes, even our daily bread. The idea that you can be happy at the expense of your children and your community is wrong.

One of the problems with the “contract” is its lack of responsibility for the barriers to an equitable pursuit of work and justice. The idea that you can be happy while others are being discriminated against, abused or cheated or the environment is being polluted is the wrong signal to send in a democracy.

Somewhere between the pursuit of happiness and happiness as a state is a balance point of “common good.” I wish we had the language to send out that signal so everyone could hear it and know it and act on it. - Jennifer

Dear Jennifer: I am deeply disturbed that we are becoming a nation of people who have lost their sense of humor. I remember during World War II that many of our allies were impressed with America’s sense of humor. No more.

I am not talking about the racist and gender remarks or handicapped groups. I just want to say: Good grief!

All conversation is going to have to come to a complete halt if we keep this up. - Jane

Dear Jane: The key to “politically correct” humor is motivation. If we each had a light in our forehead that let people know (red, yellow, green) what our real intent was, we could relax.

The person making the joke may know why he is laughing, but we may not know.

Many jokes are verbal assaults, and many are good fun or a poke at the absurd. Without forehead signals we are left relying on trust.

We build trust with family, friends, colleagues and peers naturally. We are now learning to build trust with many others we once might have made fun of.

When we know who we are and what our intent is, we’ll be laughing more than ever before. - Jennifer

xxxx

The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Jennifer James The Spokesman-Review