Taking Out The Trash

Potential replacement players Jamey Oberburner and John Lepley were released last week by the Pittsburgh Pirates. Adding insult to inability, they had to leave with their belongings in plastic garbage bags. “I thought I’d get released,” Lepley admitted. “I never thought I’d leave with my stuff in a Baggie.”

If he had any stuff, he wouldn’t need the Baggie.

See what the Girl Scouts are up against?

Pennzoil isn’t the only product Arnold Palmer can peddle, and the proof is in this story out of his Bay Hill tournament in Orlando, Fla., where Palmer resides.

It seems two of his granddaughters baked some cookies to raise money for the Arnold Palmer Hospital. They set up a table outside grandpa’s house, but nobody stopped to purchase a single cookie - so they asked for help.

Palmer came outside and stood by the table, asking $2 for a cookie and an autograph. They sold all the cookies, baked some more and sold out again - raising $1,000 in the process.

Trader Chuck

Charles Barkley plans on owning a piece of the Arizona Diamondbacks baseball franchise - presumably as a sidelight to being governor of Alabama. But Phoenix Suns teammate Danny Ainge questions whether Barkley should have any say in management decisions for the expansion club.

Ainge hosted his annual charity softball game Monday night, managing one club while Barkley handled the other.

“Here’s all you need to know,” Ainge said. “We drafted players and my first three picks were Dan Majerle, who was last year’s most valuable player of the game, Robin Young and Dale Murphy. Chuck’s first three picks were (MTV’s) Gabriella Reece, Phil Mickelson and Jim McMahon.”

Buh-dee, buh-dee, buh-dee, that’s all folks

The Dodgers are looking more like a Mickey Mouse operation all the time - and we’re not talking about the replacement team.

The club has contracted with Walt Disney Co. to manage its souvenir business at Dodger Stadium. Alas, there are no plans to use any Disney characters as part of the agreement.

So no Foghorn Lasorda T-shirts, we presume.

Slander Night in Canada

Don Cherry is at it again. The loose cannon of CBC’s “Hockey Night in Canada” telecasts has Vancouver general manager Pat Quinn furious over remarks about Canucks star Pavel Bure supposedly threatening to withhold services “in the seventh game” of an unspecified playoff series last spring if the team didn’t offer him a new contract.

Bure “never threatened to sit out the seventh game, the first game or anything else,” said Quinn. “(Cherry) has slandered this young man.

Bure was a good deal cooler. “Would you comment on the clowns in the circus?” he asked.

The last word …

“UConn recruits from every part of the country, including Israel.”

- CBS announcer Tim Ryan during the UCLA-Connecticut game