Cheap Seats
Starks reality
Los Angeles Times columnist Mark Heisler released his fearless NBA predictions Saturday, picking the Knicks to snuff out the Suns 4-3 in the Finals. Here’s how:
“John Starks, 0 for 48 in the first six games, scores 47 in a dramatic Game 7 comeback. Knick players and (coach Pat) Riley reconcile in a tearful scene on the floor in America West Arena. Anthony Mason thanks Riley for ‘making me a man’ and signs a new contract. Riley signs a five-year, $25-million extension and guarantees the Knicks will repeat.”
Meanwhile, after another early exit by his Sonics, rumors swirl that coach George Karl has taken up swimming - off the deep end, of course.
Timber, Wolves
The demons haunting Karl since last year’s first-round loss to Denver are positively angelic juxtaposed against those terrorizing the Minnesota Timberwolves.
“If I was a weak-minded person, I’d be an alcoholic or have shot myself,” said forward Mike Brown, having just completed his second tour of duty in Minneapolis after five seasons with Utah and two in Chicago. “This is an incredible place here. We have no structure. Dante’s Inferno had nothing on Mike Brown’s hell.”
But the T-Wolves ARE making strides - from 19-63 three campaigns ago, to 20-62 last year and 21-61 this season.
At that rate, they’ll hit .500 in 2015-16 - Brown’s 30th season. Don’t look for Minnesota coach Bill Blair to be around then. “You start worrying about it, you’ll have a heart attack,” Blair conceded last week, after the T-Wolves lost once again - this time dropping a coin-flip with the Bullets to break a tie for the number of chances in the upcoming NBA draft lottery.
The Bay Area’s ‘Big Hurt’
Baseball is back, and with it the injuries that could only happen to guys with too much free time. (See: Vince Coleman clipping Doc Gooden’s shoulder with a 9-iron in the clubhouse a few suspensions ago.) Mark Portugal took the early lead this spring. Seems the San Francisco Giants pitcher was riding an exercise bike when the pin fell out, causing the seat to fall seven notches. Portugal suffered a back spasm.
“Next time, I’ve got to get me training wheels and a helmet,” Portugal said. “I didn’t have adult supervision when I got on.”
The Boys of Bummer
David Letterman is all over the New York Mets again, or did he ever stop? On “Bring Your Daughter to Work Day,” the Late Show host knew the score - Mets Daughters 8, Mets 0. He wasn’t finished. “In an effort to bring a lot of people out to Shea Stadium this year,” Letterman noted, “the Mets held a press conference and announced that all Mets 1995 games would be played on the road.”
The last word …
“As the Seattle Mariners were introduced to the Kingdome crowd Thursday night for the first time in nine months, the only boos were for relief pitcher Jeff Nelson. If you’ve seen Nelson pitch, that was entirely understandable.”
- Blaine Newnham, leading off his column in the Seattle Times