Who Will We Chuckle At When Mel Dumps Don?

Melanie Griffith and Don Johnson, rest in peace.

The two have known each other for 23 years. During that time, they’ve been married for a total of eight years. And they’ve been married twice.

Now, apparently, they are going to be divorced twice.

Griffith is going ahead with the divorce action that she began last year. She held off, so goes the story, on the condition that Johnson would seek treatment for alcohol abuse and not chase any more women.

But he’s been seen of late shepherding female employees of the Aspen, Colo., chapter of Planet Hollywood, which he co-owns. She, meanwhile, has been sharing time with Spanish film star Antonio Banderas.

Jamie Lee Curtis on what convinced the cast of “A Fish Called Wanda” to reassemble for a sequel: “The money.” All you films fans can just call him Mr. White

Harvey Keitel turns 56 today.

And if this performance is an indication, she’s batting .400

In an interview to be broadcast on “60 Minutes” on Sunday, CNN war correspondent Christiane Amanpour got a dig in at her CBS interviewer. Saying she loves working for CNN, so much so that she’s turned down several network offers, she was asked whether she wants to move into the big leagues. “I am in a big league,” she replied.

And now we know never to put blood in a plastic bag

Just as criminalists working the O.J. Simpson murder trial have their armchair critics, so, too, do TV cops. “Cops come up to me all the time,” says Chris Noth of “Law & Order.” “They tell me things I did wrong. Such as when I lifted a gun by putting a pencil inside the barrel. One cop said, ‘No! You don’t do that!’ It disturbs the rifling or something.”

Too bad there were no nude photos to go with the story

Words we never expected to hear: “While I will always support worthwhile investigative journalism as a community responsibility, it is clear that in this case the young man went over the top.” That was Rupert Murdoch, publishing magnate and owner of the London News of the World. He was commenting on an April 2 story that run with the headline “(Princess) Di’s sister-in-law in booze and bulimia clinic.”

Editors: This is what we need more of signed, Rupert

If you can get a copy of Monday’s London Globe, you’ll see photos of a bare-breasted Cindy Crawford. The supermodel/actress-wannabe was caught sunbathing in the Bahamas.

Especially when they start griping about support checks

If Alison LaPlaca of “The John Larroquette Show” seems familiar, there’s a reason. “I do have a pretty clipped tongue,” she told People magazine. “So many men have come up to me and said I’m just like their ex-wife. That kills me.”

The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Compiled by staff writer Dan Webster