Cheap Seats

Try our new chicken sandwich: the McBirdie

The 19th hole will never be the same. The clubhouse snack bar at the East Bay Golf Course in Provo, Utah, is now a McDonald’s Express.

Golfers can now call in their orders from “McPhones” at the 9th and 18th greens. And though McDonald’s Express has a limited menu and doesn’t offer Big Macs, hungry duffers can get QuarterPounders and fries - plus hot dogs, polish dogs, salads and candy bars.

Owner-manager Dennis Hall plans to fill a golf cart with food and drinks on weekends and cruise the fairways for customers. “Our plan is to be there when the golfers are there and want to eat,” he said.

New billboard on the 18th green: You deserve a right-to-left break today.

Who’s the straight man here?

Comedian Billy Crystal is a big NBA fan, so it’s no coincidence he plays an NBA referee in his new release, “Forget Paris,” which he also directed.

That left him open for a zinger recently from one of his co-stars, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, who spoke with Crystal via satellite at halftime of a TNT playoff broadcast. Crystal was at a Lakers-Spurs game, Kareem at the TNT studios with Ernie Johnson, who asked what Crystal was like as a director.

“He put on a beret and he had a sidekick with a whip,” Kareem said. “He really changed as a director. It was unbelievable.”

When Johnson told Crystal to enjoy the Lakers game, the comedian appeared a little confused.

“I thought this was a Clippers game,” he said.

Abdul-Jabbar, the former Lakers great, was right there for the putback.

“If it was a Clippers game, you’d get a chance to play.”

Not to be outdone, Houston’s Clyde Drexler had this to say about referee Jake O’Donnell, who ejected the Rockets’ star from a second-round playoff game against Phoenix: “I think Billy Crystal would have had better judgment.”

He must have had a power surge

Oklahoma State guard Randy Rutherford is the Big Eight’s all-time leader in 3-point shooting. Perhaps that gave him the impression he’s the mad bomber.

Rutherford was fined $100 on Friday for threatening to harm a public employee and destroy public property after telling a Stillwater utilities clerk he would blow up a city block because he was angry his electricity was turned off. The clerk had told Rutherford service could be restored only if he paid a 1991 delinquent account of $91.57 plus a $150 deposit.

After paying, Rutherford told the clerk, “This better be turned on by 5. If you think what they did in Oklahoma City was bad, I’ll blow up this whole block.”

Corey Williams, a part-time assistant coach at OSU who was with Rutherford, looked at the player and said, “Man, I can’t believe you just said that.”

Once he learned of the charge - which could have cost him 30 days in jail, as well - Rutherford apologized to the clerk, saying he “was totally sorry and never intended to do anything to scare her.” He was interviewed by FBI agents and told not to make any similar threats.

The last word…

“He’s the first guy to drive a $300,000 car with license plates he made himself.”

- Jay Leno, on Mike Tyson celebrating his release from prison by purchasing four Bentleys