Simply Paralyzed Without The Feds

Br’er Rabbit was all business as he stepped up to the microphone.

“Speaker Gingrich,” he said, “you and Senator Dole can commit all kinds of mischief up there on Capitol Hill, if you want. But there’s one thing I ask of you, and the people are demanding: Please, oh please don’t close down that federal government on Tuesday!”

Br’er Rabbit stepped back, the reporters moved in closer, and the questions started flying: As Congress and the White House headed toward collision, unable to compromise on a trillion-dollar budget, the tension in the air was palpable, even frightening.

When asked what would happen if the budget impasse really did produce the famous “train wreck” that Democrats had been warning about, Br’er Rabbit got specific.

“Congress may pass one of those continuing resolutions,” he explained, “so the Social Security checks will still be in the mail, and the Medicaid payments will be dished out to the hospitals.

“But,” and here he paused to emphasize his point:

“I want everyone here to contemplate what 48 hours without a federal government could mean to our country.”

He furrowed his brow and twitched his ears. “You take my colleague, Ron Brown, for example. If the Department of Commerce were to close, even for two or three days, that could spoil his plans for an upcoming seven-day trade trip to Eastern Europe with some of President Clinton’s most generous supporters in the business community.

“These entrepreneurs have been looking for investment opportunities in the former Soviet empire, and Secretary Brown has been notably successful in bringing them together with various foreign governments receiving American aid. Can we afford to lose investment opportunities like this?

“Or consider my friend Henry Cisneros over there at the Department of Housing and Urban Development. You take away federal housing funds, even for a matter of hours, and I can’t begin to paint a picture bleak enough.

“You’ll see public housing projects from coast to coast suddenly in shocking disrepair, deadbeat tenants loitering in the street, crack deals and gang killings up and down the hallways.”

Br’er Rabbit wagged his finger. “You remember what Herbert Hoover predicted if Franklin Roosevelt were elected president? Said Hoover: ‘The grass will grow in the streets of a hundred cities, a thousand towns. … The weeds will overrun the fields, churches and schoolhouses will decay.’ Yes, it could happen.”

“And then there’s Hazel O’Leary over there at the Department of Energy. Did you know that in the decade and a half since President Carter created that department, our dependence on foreign energy sources has gone from one-quarter to one-half? Why, if the Republicans deny Hazel O’Leary her funds, she won’t even have money to keep her files on you reporters. She won’t know which ones have been helpful, or which ones have chosen to be critical of the president. How can any government subsist without such data?

“Think of all the affirmative action programs that would suddenly be deprived of funds for a couple of days. Imagine the Department of Justice, or the Labor Department, unable to harass big corporations with lawsuits, or drive small companies out of business, if they don’t use racial and gender quotas in hiring new personnel? Our government lawyers would be left with nothing to do!

“And you know those FCC regulations that enable disadvantaged minority investors, like O.J. Simpson, Bill Cosby and Colin Powell, to gain preferential treatment in obtaining broadcast licenses? If the Republicans starve the White House of money this week, such programs could become a thing of the past.

“And what about the subsidies that keep our agricultural conglomerates in clover? If Gingrich has his way, you could see farmers forced to plant crops for a living, rather than refrain from planting them in order to meet federal quotas and maintain bogus prices.

“Why, what kind of market economy would that be?

“How about those community dialogues on race that the National Endowment for the Humanities is funding? Take away the money, and the dialogues would cease. Americans, I’m telling you, would stop talking to one another.

“The Parole Commission might stop freeing federal prisoners. The Legal Services Corporation couldn’t file class action lawsuits on behalf of favored clients. The IRS would stop auditing taxpayers. Senators might have to lick their own stamps.

“It’s too frightening to contemplate,” concluded Br’er Rabbit. “So please, Speaker Gingrich, don’t shut down that federal government!”

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