Cheap Seats
Rare birdie
A tee shot that killed a sea gull was no laughing matter for the golfer, a Humane Society director from Longview, Wash. Phil Olson, head of the group’s Cowlitz County chapter and director of the Longview Pioneer Lions two-person scramble Saturday at Mint Valley Golf Course, said he was so shaken after his drive on the 14th hole that he could hardly swing the club for the next two holes.
“The ball hit pretty solidly right in the body of the seagull,” Olson said, calling it “one of the most sickening experiences of my life.”
The unsuspecting gull was struck about 60 yards from the tee, sending both ball and bird into a pond. The seagull kept its head up briefly, then died.
Who wore the dress?
Dewey Selmon once took his brother Lee Roy, the former Tampa Bay Bucs defensive end, to the senior prom. Over the summer, he escorted him into the Pro Football Hall of Fame.
Dewey, who made the presentation speech for his brother, said their parents must have known Dewey needed a soulmate other than his seven older brothers and sisters.
“They must have said, ‘Dewey will be lonely. He needs a playmate.’ Eleven months later, I had one,” Dewey said. “For 31 years, he was my celibate wife.
“As a matter of fact, at his senior prom, I was his date. At that time his good looks had not developed yet and I was the best available.”
Last piece of the puzzle
The vice president of operations had rarely shown so much excitement. “We’re ecstatic about obtaining a player of (his) experience and ability,” the veep gushed. “This transaction even further strengthens our frontcourt presence for the upcoming season.”
It had to be Bulls general manager Jerry Krause, gloating after his team signed Dennis Rodman, right? Sorry. The excitement emanated from Orlando, where Magic exec John Gabriel couldn’t hold back after his team acquired center Jon Koncak, of all people, from Atlanta. Koncak’s credentials? Since being taken fifth overall in the 1985 draft - nine spots ahead of Karl Malone - the 7-footer has averaged a whopping 4.6 points and 5.0 rebounds per game, including 2.9 and 3.0 last season.
Raising a stink
Brent Gates of the Oakland A’s came up with what has to rank as one of the dumbest questions of the baseball season. After hearing his teammates talking about Dennis Eckersley’s upcoming 300th save, Gates asked: “Do you think they’ll stop the game for it?” Eck’s aura may have clouded Gates’ judgment, but the Houston Chronicle’s Alan Truex was unimpressed, writing: “Eckersley blew seven of 19 save chances, shot his ERA up to 4.83 and said, ‘It would be easy to quit if I thought I stunk. A lot of people might think I stink, but I don’t think so.’ Apparently, he has another problem: blocked sinuses.”
The last word …
“Who’s that guy pitching with the long hair? I’m glad he’s not on my team.”
- Reds owner Marge Schott, commenting on TV highlights showing Randy Johnson leading Seattle past California on Monday
, DataTimes