Simpson Thanks Fuhrman For Freedom
What’s up, blood?
Thank you for being such an important part of my trial. You took such a personal interest in my case that I am forever in your debt.
Now that it’s over, I can tell you. You know and I know that I, of course, killed my wife and her nosy friend. But your fabulous over-the-top performance was my salvation. Without you and the Keystone Cops in the LAPD, no one would have been diverted from the truth.
To this day, I cannot believe it took so long for you guys to collect my blood. I cannot believe you let people stomp all over the evidence. I cannot believe you couldn’t get the right size gloves to put on the scene and that you forgot to dump some blood on it. I knew you guys were incompetent, but with all the times my hand and gloves have been in your face on televised football games, why didn’t you guys just freeze the screen, get out a tape measure and figure it out?
Most of all, thank you for lying your fanny off on the witness stand. For awhile, the tide was against me. I didn’t think I had much of a chance because everyone was talking about how I beat up my wife. Until you, I had planned to testify that I was driven temporarily insane by jealousy and the violent flashbacks of Post-Football Syndrome.
You saved the day. You told folks that you never called anybody a nigger. Then you got caught saying, “the only good nigger is a dead nigger.” You got caught saying that niggers should be rounded up and burned. That did it. You single-handedly let my defense substitute your racism for my sexism and knocked any comments by battered women’s advocates out of the newspaper for the rest of the trial.
Once you got going, there was hardly a member of media that remembered the names of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman. Even I had to keep reminding myself that they were dead.
I thought the best moment of all was when Marcia Clark dissed you. Remember when she said, “Is he a racist? Yes. Is he the worst the LAPD has to offer? Yes. Do we wish that this person was never hired by LAPD? Yes. Should LAPD have ever hired him? No. Should such a person be a police officer? No. In fact, do we wish there were no such person on the planet? Yes.”
Now, when she said that, I realized why I spent these millions of dollars on my attorneys. Ordinary black men would have never had the resources to drag all the people my lawyers did into court to expose your stuff. Now, you and I know that just because you are the closest thing the LAPD has to a Grand Wizard, that doesn’t mean I didn’t kill Nicole. But if you lie about racial epithets, you might lie about the glove, too.
Me and my attorneys are still in hysterics over how the prosecution could let a guy who hates interracial couples investigate the murder of a white woman by a black man. This went from the O.J. Simpson trial to you being called Hitler. You gave my attorneys enough rope to call you and your Keystone Cops “devils of deception” and a cancer.
Now Mark, if you should ever appear on television to tell your side of the story, I hope you are fair to the jury. As I’ve been riding home to freedom, I’ve heard all kinds of knee-jerk questions by the television media as to how this verdict will affect race relations and whether Johnnie Cochran bought off the jury with the race card. Nonsense. You know and I know that the jury was not all black. The only way they could have come to a verdict in three hours is if they all had the same thing on their mind.
What they had on their mind is “LAPD Strikes Out Again.”
So, once again, Mark, I want to thank you for your incompetence and your bigotry. Everyone knows I did it. At first I had a burning desire to testify on my own behalf. I figured I was in such deep trouble, I had to go all out to charm the jury with my good looks and gentle nature. Especially since my attorneys never seriously offered another person who could have killed Nicole.
But who needs to get grilled when the investigator is you and the LAPD? You put more holes of credibility in the prosecution’s case than any offensive lineman ever did for me. As one guy who should have been convicted to another who may soon be convicted, I wish you all the best in your new life as a pariah. I’ll bet you’d rather see me in a dark alley than Marcia Clark.
Sincerely Yours,
O.J. (Signed in Blood)
xxxx