Midnight Sadness

Kentucky basketball loonies have always lined up early to get tickets for the team’s “Midnight Madness” first practice. Now, Wally Clark has set a new standard.

On last Wednesday, well before this Sunday’s event, the Lexington man set up his chair outside the Memorial Coliseum box office, becoming the earliest fan to arrive in 40 years of the event.

Clark, disabled after a 1990 stroke, wanted to take the distinction of being first away from the Vallandinghams - a family that has been first in line five times since 1989.

Clark’s family members relieve him every day so he can take a shower and freshen up. Most of what he needs - a 5-inch TV, two radios, a cooler and a thick, blue sleeping bag - is in his van, parked nearby.

“I don’t stay in the van very much without keeping an eye on my chair,” Clark pointed out. “I look at the TV, I look at the chair, I look at the TV, I look at the chair. I don’t want to lose my chair.”

Cold-blooded calendar

Steelers linebacker Chad Brown, who began breeding and selling exotic reptile pets in college, convinced coach Bill Cowher and 10 teammates into posing for a reptile calendar (fully clothed, of course).

“I thought I would have to be sedated,” All-Pro linebacker and notorious tough guy Greg Lloyd admitted.

Most of the snakes, turtles, and lizards seen in the calendar were flown in from Brown’s Colorado-based business.

In the calendar, Lloyd hoists a 7-foot albino python, Brown is draped with a 12-foot Burmese python and a smiling Cowher lets a 4-1/2-foot monitor lizard flick its long tongue at his face.

“I knew it wasn’t poisonous,” Cowher said. “I just didn’t like the thought of a lizard putting his tongue on my nose. I know the proceeds are going towards a good cause, but, at the same time, there’s a limit.”

Among the snakes Cowher refused to pose with were Jerry Jones and Al Davis.

Not quite Saint Nick

Nick Faldo’s friendship with a 20-year-old University of Arizona golfer has been plastered all over British tabloids. The stories follow reports suggesting the 38-year-old Faldo’s marriage is in trouble.

The accounts focus on Faldo’s relationship with Brenna Cepelak, who is on a golf scholarship at Arizona. “Nick and I are very dear friends and we share a passion for golf,” Cepelak reportedly said.

The two have shared “candlelight dinners,” Cepelak has accompanied Faldo to other tournaments and he frequently telephones her at the house she shares with fellow students, the reports said.

A friend said Cepelak had begun copying Faldo’s manners. “She changed her putting stroke so it was identical to his,” the friend said. “She even began walking the same way as him.”

Sorry, Fred

Fred Roberts, bidding to be the Lakers’ 12th man, had to give up No.31 when the club re-signed Kurt Rambis. Roberts then requested No.22, but settled on No.24 after being asked, “Ever hear of Elgin Baylor?”

The last word …

“(Lanny) Wadkins says he’d be willing to return as Ryder Cup captain. I’m sure Gerry Faust wouldn’t mind returning to Notre Dame, either.”

- Nick Canepa, San Diego Union-Tribune

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo