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First class vs. no class

There were more jumbo shrimp at Ted Turner’s party than fans at Marge Schott’s ballpark. Suffice to say things are being done a bit differently by the two owners in the cities hosting the National League playoffs.

In Atlanta, league officials, advertisers and VIPs are treated to lavish parties every night. Turner even had a chef flown in from Bermuda for the post-game tent parties in the stadium parking lot.

Schott didn’t even call in her hot dog guy. And she didn’t put out a glossy media guide like the other playoff teams did, instead issuing five pages of xeroxed notes in tiny print.

In the Reds’ front office, meanwhile, carpet is held together with duct tape and stained with droppings from her St. Bernard dog, who is allowed to roam free.

Sure, blame the droppings on the dog.

You just don’t fit into our plans, Jeff

Philadelphia Phillies pitcher Jeff Juden was hardly surprised when the organization traded him to the San Francisco Giants last week.

Phillies manager Jim Fregosi had dropped a not-so-little hint earlier in the 1995 campaign, when Juden demanded to know the reasoning behind his removal from the Phillies’ starting rotation.

Fregosi was apparently more than willing to comply. According to Baltimore Sun sportswriter Buster Olney, Fregosi offered Juden the following explanation: “Because you’re the most unprofessional player I’ve ever seen, you big, fat, lazy piece of (garbage).”

Well, at least the whistle works

The highlight of Friday night’s NBA exhibition between the Sacramento and Denver was unquestionably when Kings forward Michael Smith did his best Daryl Dawkins impression, shattering a backboard with a monster dunk.

Overlooked in the Kings’ 127-112 victory was an equally prolific feat pulled off by Sacramento point guard Bobby Hurley, who was called for three fouls on the first possession of the game - before a single shot had been taken. After the third, he mockingly guarded Denver’s Jalen Rose with his hands behind his back.

The game was refereed by replacement officials because of the NBA’s lockout. Referee Burt Smith called a foul on Hurley 5 seconds into the game, and called two more in the next 14 seconds.

Anything for a story

Outraged over suggestions by Diego Maradona that his glamorous wife had been unfaithful, a newspaper owner said he had gone to the soccer star’s home to thrash out their differences. “I went along with a doctor just in case anybody got injured,” Julio Ramos wrote in his business daily, Ambito Financiero.

Ramos, married to former “Miss Argentina” and “Miss World” Silvana Suarez, said he twice rang Maradona’s bell - doorbell, that is - and spoke to the star’s wife, who told him her husband wasn’t home.

“I was taking Maradona by his word,” said Ramos. “On Saturday he challenged everybody who has differences with him to come by.”

The last word …

“We’re going to run 20 quarterback draws, take advantage of my 6-flat 40 speed.”

- Slow-footed Miami quarterback Bernie Kosar, starting today in place of injured Dan Marino

, DataTimes