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As a hunter, Joe Polisar makes a great police chief. For the second time, Albuquerque’s police chief has turned himself in for shooting the wrong kind of beast. He aimed at a mature bull elk, but hit a young one.
“This is very embarrassing, and I am personally mortified by the mistake,” Polisar said.
The chief surrendered to game wardens and pleaded guilty Wednesday. He paid a $31 fine and was put on 30 days’ probation. In 1984, Polisar shot an elk during deer season. But he can explain: “I was born in New York and grew up on Long Island. I never went hunting until I was 30 years old.”
Could you be a little more blunt?
Chicago Tribune columnist Bernie Lincicome can’t figure out why the phone hasn’t rung. “All I can figure is that O.J. Simpson has lost my number,” Lincicome wrote. “He was always good about calling.”
No more. No way. “I understand Simpson is a little reluctant to be retried in the media, as he suspected NBC was going to do to him the other night,” Lincicome continued. “I make this promise. I will ask him only questions I have already asked.
“I’m looking back through some old notebooks, and I see that I won’t even have to update my questions. Here’s one, from 1972. ‘Where did you learn to cut like that?’
“And another. ‘How much satisfaction do you take out of leaving them gasping on the ground?’
“I see nothing wrong with using this one. ‘Would you describe yourself as a slasher?’ And this. ‘What’s your best time in the 40?’ Though I may have to change that to blocks instead of yards. …
“And this from when he was traded to San Francisco. ‘How would you like to be remembered, as a great football player or a great human being?”’
One thing’s for certain: You won’t hear those questions on Larry King Live.
I’ve won the lotto
The Miami Heat mascot convicted of aggravated assault for dragging a woman onto the court during a preseason game last year now faces a $1 million civil suit filed by the lady. Wes Lockard, the man inside the “Burnie” costume at Heat games, was fined $300 in the criminal case.
Lockard apologized publicly to his accuser - Yvonne Gil-Rebollo, wife of local Supreme Court Justice Francisco Rebollo and sister of U.S. District Attorney Guillermo Gil.
Still, David Efron, the lawyer representing Gil-Rebollo, filed the civil suit, in part, because, “This woman, an outstanding member of society, was humiliated in front of the community.”
Sorry, coach
St. Louis Rams quarterback Chris Miller and coach Rich Brooks - former Oregon Ducks - flew to Eugene a couple weeks back for an Oregon game. Brooks was honored, but Miller missed the ceremony.
“I was out in the parking lot having a couple cold ones,” Miller said. “I heard Rich on the P.A. system, so I tried to tune in to what he was saying. But he wasn’t going to cut into my tailgating time.”
The last word …
“If I only had a little humility, I would be perfect.”
- Ted Turner, media mogul and Atlanta Braves owner
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