Ketchup Adds Spice To English-Only Debate

Ketchup should be declared the national condiment and use of all salsa, soy sauce and other condiments should be strongly discouraged.

So says Robert A. Underwood, Guam’s delegate to Congress, in a letter circulated to fellow House members. Underwood’s target: an “English-only” bill sponsored by Rep. Toby Roth, R-Wis.

The letter on behalf of Underwood’s “ketchup-only” bill is a spoof on the arguments being made for the “English-only” bill, which would make English the official language of the United States. Underwood’s office has received calls from other congressional staffers who appreciated the joke and voiced their support for his “bill,” an aide said.

“I was surprised to learn salsa has replaced ketchup in sales as our nation’s leading condiment,” Underwood’s letter begins. “I hope you share my concern that a country built on ketchup should take steps to ensure the predominance of this vegetable as our national condiment.”

The letter continues: “Our nation was founded on commonality. Salsa, and to a great extent soy sauce, threatens the (dietary) fiber of our nation. Those who would urge diversity do not understand the importance ketchup plays in our schools.

“If people want to come to this country, they should be prepared to use our condiments,” Underwood wrote. “We can even put signs at the border: ‘Eat this.”’

The Underwood aide said the representative has no intention of seriously proposing such a bill. It was meant to add levity to hearings that started Wednesday on the “English-only” bill formally known as the Declaration of Official Language Act.

“He’s got a great sense of humor,” Roth aide Don Meyer said of Underwood. But, he said, “it’s trivializing an extremely important issue.” Roth said he would have no official response to the letter in order to keep the debate “on a higher level.”