Who Shot Mr. Burns? Intrigue On ‘The Simpsons’ Fails To Match That Surrounding ‘Dallas’ Episode In 1980
When the producers of “The Simpsons” resolve the cliffhanger final episode from last season, in which nuclear power mogul Montgomery Burns was shot in the upper left chest, they probably will suggest a solution involving a single gunman acting alone, despite the scores of people who were spilling out of the controversial Springfield town meeting that fateful afternoon.
They, in other words, will be part of yet another massive government cover-up to hide the complicity of certain shadow agencies and the military-industrial complex in yet another political assassination.
None of the likely fall guys - underrecognized power plant wage slave Homer Simpson, magnificently sycophantish Burns right-hand man Smithers, cranky kids show clown Krusty - was marksman enough, nor did he have the kind of diabolical vision needed, to conceive and execute such a fiendish plot. …
Huh? Oh, sorry. Just skimming through another letter from Oliver Stone. He will not let this conspiracy thing go. Others have proposed a link to the television program that started all this “Who shot” business, “Dallas” in the spring of 1980. The world was a different place back then, a network place, and the “Who shot J.R.” cliffhanger became a national, even international phenomenon.
When the answer was revealed five episodes into the next season, that program was the most watched in TV history to date. Eighty percent of people with their sets turned on were tuned in to learn that Kristin, the sister-in-law whom J.R. had done wrong, done it. Today you couldn’t get 80 percent of people to watch the unveiling of next week’s Lotto numbers.
“Dallas” went on, of course, to abuse people’s faith in its storytelling, turning an entire season into a character’s dream in order to resurrect J.R.’s brother Bobby. And Burns is not J.R. Ewing, except in number of enemies.
As the new season and a resolution draw near (“The Simpsons” debuts Sunday), I - having studied 22 minutes of tape, much longer than the Zapruder film - am prepared to step into the void.
At first viewing I thought the Simpsons’ dog had caused Burns to inadvertently shoot himself with his own gun, shown to be missing from its holster. It made sense that the animal whom Burns’ greed had wounded earlier would exact a kind of revenge. But a closer watching makes it clear the dog is in the family car when the shooting occurs.
So I will go out on a limb here and bravely suggest two scenarios.
The first, best bet is that the yes-man Smithers did it. Smithers finally broke from Burns over the school oil piracy.
Smithers, a close analysis of the episode reveals, was one of those shown stroking a gun at the town meeting. (The others: town drunk Barney, bar owner Moe, school principal Skinner and an unidentifiable lady in a pink dress.) Smithers was also missing from the crowd that huddled around Burns’ apparently lifeless body as it lay on the town sundial (likewise absent: Homer, Krusty). And he had every reason to be tormented, having spent his new free time, he said, “drinking cheap Scotch and watching Comedy Central.”
Burns’ words to his assailant, heard off camera, suggest he’s speaking to a familiar, and Smithers was his only familiar: “Oh, it’s you. What are you so happy about? Oh, I see. I think you’d better drop it.”
And the episode’s first death reference is when the fourth-grade gerbil is found dead.
“Ah, poor fellow,” laments Principal Skinner, “crushed by his own water bottle.”
The foreshadowing couldn’t be more pronounced. Crushed by his own water bottle. Shot by his own assistant. Bet on it. But not heavily.
My second bold theory is that “The Simpsons,” a treasure-trove of pop-culture references and satire, will find a way to mock other “Who shots” in its solution. Perhaps it will all be Smithers’ dream. Perhaps the culprit will be a member of the Ewing clan. Or maybe - and this should satisfy the Stone element - Mayor Quimby and the mysterious lady in pink were acting in legion. She once traveled to Russia, you know.
MEMO: This sidebar appeared with the story: ‘MOST WANTED’ SPOOF WILL LOOK AT SPRINGFIELD Fox will trumpet the arrival of the season premiere of “The Simpsons” Sunday by preceding it with a “Springfield’s Most Wanted” special. Fox announced that John Walsh, the host of Fox’s reality series “America’s Most Wanted,” will serve as host of a playful 7:30 p.m. special sandwiched between last season’s final episode of “The Simpsons” and the first new episode of the season - the one that answers the question, “Who Shot Mr. Burns?” A press release describes that Walsh, “direct from ‘Springfield’s Most Wanted’ headquarters, will present a biography of the victim, interview celebrity experts, and examine certain clues.” New York Daily News