Handle Conflicts With Care, Dignity
Megan and Camille are working together to bring a new product to market for a consumer goods company. Although they work in different departments and report to different managers, they must exchange information to get their jobs done.
Megan was stunned to learn from her boss that Camille had accused her of withholding vital data and missing deadlines. She couldn’t recall an occasion when she did either, and she couldn’t imagine why Camille would take a problem to her boss instead of coming to her.
Megan doesn’t know how her boss perceives the situation. And she’s unsure of how to manage the fallout or prevent it from happening again.
Career experts say this fictitious scenario is common in today’s fiercely competitive workplace. Not only are office politics growing more cutthroat but also many employees tend to re-create the family dynamic at work. Tattling on a colleague can be the adult version of complaining to parents about a sibling.
Here, three experts offer strategies for handling the problem:
Carol Orsborn, Nashville-based author of “How Would Confucius Ask for a Raise: One Hundred Enlightened Solutions to Tough Business Problems” (William Morrow, $23): “First, Megan needs to do some soul-searching and see if there’s any truth in Camille’s accusation. Second, she must ask herself whether or not she’s open to receiving negative feedback. Third, she must consider her boss’s attitude. If the boss takes Camille’s complaint seriously, Megan must talk with Camille. If Camille isn’t forthcoming, Megan should go back to her boss and have a heart-to-heart discussion.
“What’s really going on? Is Camille competing with Megan for power? Is she playing office politics unfairly? If so, the three of them should try to resolve the problem together. If Megan feels Camille’s tattling is impacting her boss’s perception of her, she must assure the boss it’s a communication problem and doesn’t reflect her commitment at work. It’s possible Megan’s boss will dismiss Camille’s criticism, especially if Camille has a reputation for being vicious to co-workers. Another option is for Megan to ignore it. As Confucius says, ‘The wise person learns to let many things pass.”’
Laurie Anderson, an Oak Park, Ill.-based psychologist specializing in career issues: “Megan won’t solve the problem through behavior that caused the problem. In other words, Megan shouldn’t talk to 14 other people about Camille’s tattling. Megan must operate with maximum dignity and integrity. After talking with her boss, Megan should tell Camille, ‘I’m sorry I haven’t made it easier for you to come to me directly. What can we do to make it easier to share information?’ Don’t personalize the discussion. Keep it focused on the task.
“Will their relationship be strained? Probably. But tattling tends to happen in relationships that already are strained. One strategy that can help you avoid this problem is to establish ground rules before you start working with someone. Define the ideal relationship and decide how you’ll handle it when it’s not ideal. Ask the person, ‘What do you need and want from me? How will we communicate when those needs go unmet?”’
Andrew DuBrin, professor of management at the Rochester Institute of Technology in Rochester, N.Y., and author of “Getting It Done: The Transforming Power of Self-Discipline at Work and at Home” (Peterson’s, $20.95): “Megan shouldn’t be defensive. She needs to keep the boss on her side, so she should ask if there are any changes she’d like her to make and then follow through. She also should let Camille know that she’s talked with her boss and ask Camille for her version of the story.
“Megan might say, ‘Camille, I’m not bitter, but I don’t want this to happen again. If we have a problem, I prefer to work it out together.’ It’s important for Megan to be assertive, but she shouldn’t make Camille hostile. Megan should let her boss know that they’ve discussed the situation and that ‘everything’s under control.’ But she shouldn’t make a huge case out of it. Confront it, and then move on.”
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