Very Well, Here Are Your Ideas

Dear Ann Landers: I had to write about your response to “Resigned in River City.” She said her marriage of 17 years was perfect except for sex. If she didn’t give “Rod” sex at least three times a week, she got “The Treatment,” which consisted of cold and formal politeness in private and barbed sarcasm in public. So, now she gives him what he wants, but inside, she’s dead sexually.

You focused on her last paragraph, where she said Rod wishes he could excite her the way she excites him. You indicated this meant he was open to suggestion and advised seeing a sex counselor. Considering Rod’s past behavior, the only reason he’d want to excite his partner is that it would be testimony to his sexual prowess.

Rod is a self-centered, selfish idiot. The way he treats his wife when he doesn’t get sex is verbal and mental abuse. You should have suggested she look into therapy for herself to understand why she allows him to treat her this way. Rod is never going to deal with this problem as long as he continues to get what he wants. - Dan in Worthington, Ohio

Dear Dan: You weren’t the only one who felt Rod deserved more of a clobber from me. Read on:

Stamford, Conn.: “Resigned’s” real problem is a husband who treats his wife like a piece of meat and a wife who tolerates such treatment. How can she claim to adore a husband who shows neither respect for her rights nor consideration for her feelings? No human being is another person’s property, which means not even a spouse has a legal or moral right to sex. Rod needs to develop a heart, and his wife needs to develop a backbone. I suggest a psychiatrist for both of them.

Victoria, B.C.: I have a solution for “Resigned in River City.” Tell her to go on the offensive. Then, the “on-demand” man is put on the defensive, and she can achieve a balance where no one performs sex as a duty.

Dulles, Va.: Rod is using unhealthy, manipulative, passive-aggressive behavior to get his way. You missed the boat, Ann. “Resigned” has already told her husband in many ways how she would like to be treated. His behavior is both demeaning and destructive. Give the lady a break. Maybe if Rod stops his controlling behavior, her interest in sex will come alive. If not, she should seek counseling.

Dear Ann Landers: This is a warning to anyone with a spouse who’s hooked on the computer. I supported my husband of 15 years with his new hobby. He experimented with the Internet and even could fax on our new computer. The next thing I knew, we were getting huge bills for our Internet use and high phone bills on his private line.

Out of the clear blue sky, he told me he was going to California to meet “Julie,” the woman he met on the Internet. Our 12-year-old and I were stunned. He returned four days later and announced he was quitting his job of 16 years and moving to California to be with his “dream woman.” Did I mention she is a single parent of three? - L.R., Columbia, Pa.

Dear Pa.: Welcome to the club. Cyberspace romances are hatching like crazy, and this problem is going to get worse before it gets better. I know of no solution to this high-tech dilemma.

Gem of the Day: No amount of planning beats dumb luck.

xxxx