I Do Understand Your Position

Thu., Aug. 8, 1996

Ann Landers Creators Syndicate

Dear Ann Landers: You have printed a lot of letters about lonely people who get hooked on the Internet. Well, Ann, I have been trying for years to get my husband to talk to me. We have had problems with children, stepchildren and ex-spouses. Through it all, I have begged him to talk to me so I will know how he feels.

I have gone to counseling and bought and borrowed books as well as several hundred dollars’ worth of relationship videos. Nothing made a difference. He is content to sit in front of the TV night after night, remote in one hand, food in the other. Some variation of this is true for 99 percent of my cyber-friends. Is it any wonder we find comfort and companionship in each other?

I guarantee that if we were fulfilled in our marriages, we wouldn’t be spending hours on-line with strangers. - Found Happiness in Cyberspace in Ky.

Dear Kentucky: Welcome to the club. Another woman married to a clam with a broken hinge. My heart goes out to these men as well as the women who must spend their lives with them. Those men are missing a lot in life, and the women feel isolated.

Conversation is the lifeblood of relationships. I am not suggesting that couples need to run their mouths incessantly, but when there is no conversation, relationships tend to dry up.

Women who are married to these Gary Cooper types (yup, nope) feel undervalued and underappreciated. Cyberspace may pose a bigger threat to sterile marriages than anyone thought possible.

Dear Ann Landers: I’m having a hard time understanding what kind of problem “Auburn, Calif.” thinks she has. She’s dating a widower. A “friend” in the powder room told her widowers can never really love again and the man would not have given her a second look if his wife hadn’t died. Would she have felt better if the man had been interested in her while his wife was still alive?

My marriage wasn’t a happy one. After eight years of misery with “Clark,” who had plenty of second looks to go around, my self-esteem bottomed out. I decided it was easier to kick him out than kill myself. I was darned sure he wouldn’t have any trouble learning to love again.

I hope the man “Auburn” is dating understands the meaning of commitment. Please tell her he will love again. It might not be the same love he had for his first wife, but if he was faithful to her, chances are good he will be faithful to “Auburn,” too.

I hope she doesn’t allow some witch in the powder room to cast doubts on what sounds like a lovely relationship. Please, Ann, give her reassurance. - Louisville Sympathizer

Dear Louisville: You did, and I thank you. I hope she reads this. (And a pox on that witch in the powder room.)

Dear Ann Landers: My sister and her husband are drug users and alcoholics. Family members had to take in their two children years ago.

I now have an opportunity to adopt my niece, and I want to, but I’m afraid. I’ve taken care of her, off and on, for four years, but she’s going to be 14 soon, and I see some real problems ahead. I’m not sure I’m equal to the challenge. I need advice, Ann. - Aunt in Michigan

Dear Michigan: Please don’t abandon the girl. You may be her only hope for a decent life. I’m sure she’ll be a handful, but get counseling on how to deal with her. It could be the most rewarding thing you’ve ever done. Good luck, and God bless.

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