Cheap Seats
Not your garden variety jewelry heist
Clark Peterson can’t figure out how someone stole a ring. Not the kind you slip on your finger, but a 2,200-pound apparatus in which behemoths have bounced around for 50 years.
“It’s awfully hard to hide something like this,” said Peterson, an announcer for the Powerzone wrestling matches. “It would be murder on a car.”
The 50-year-old wrestling ring was reported missing on Aug. 12 from an Oklahoma City apartment complex after promoter Tom Jones noticed the ring and the flat-bed trailer it was strapped to were gone. In a police report, the missing ring is valued at $10,000, but Peterson said, “It’s hard to put a price tag on it because of all the greats that have been inside of it.”
Police are looking for a disillusioned fan who just discovered wrestling isn’t on the level.
A real sand-slinging campaign
If Bill Clinton thought rafting down Whitewater was difficult, wait until somebody tells him of the cover article in the September issue of the American Spectator about a round of golf he played in June.
The magazine unleashed its investigative reporter on Clinton’s golf game and Byron York’s eight-page article is titled, “Bill’s Bad Lie.” Once you see that, you just know it isn’t going to be positive.
Basically, York wrote that Clinton really didn’t shoot a 78 in San Diego, as the president had claimed - that he fudged the rules and that such actions raise troubling issues.
“If you want to learn about Bill Clinton’s character problem, you don’t have to subpoena Whitewater documents,” York writes. “Just watch him on the golf course.”
Guess this means that anyone who’s ever picked up a club can’t be president.
And under federal equal time provisions…
Nebraska football coach Tom Osborne remembers Republican vice presidential candidate Jack Kemp as energetic, smart and a fan of author Ayn Rand.
“He read some very conservative stuff,” said Osborne, who roomed with Kemp on road trips during the 1959 season with the San Francisco 49ers. “Ayn Rand was one of his favorite authors, and she was very conservative, so I knew he was a very conservative guy. He at least thought about things.”
Like crime and punishment, Tom?
Title IX rears its ugly head
Women’s equestrian will become the 20th intercollegiate sport at Fresno State. The university already has a horse arena on campus and as many as 60 women are expected to turn out.
Do the horses count against scholarship limits?
And heavy breathing
Former Detroit Lions coach Monte Clark watched his old club go through a pass-rush drill and wasn’t impressed. “It’s Lamaze,” he said. “All pushing and shoving.”
The last word …
“Excited about the Democratic National Convention? The folks in Chicago - or as I call them, the Chicagoans - are all set for the convention. They’re cleaning the streets, they’re planting trees, they’re making sure Dennis Rodman’s out of town.”
- David Letterman
, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo