Questions That Are Answers, Too

Dear Ann Landers: You printed a column a few years ago that made such a strong impression on me that I made copies for my grandchildren. It was so straightforward, I’m sure millions of your teenage readers paid attention and changed their behavior. I am asking you to run it again. - A Concerned Grandma

Dear Grandma: Thanks for your confidence. Here’s the column you requested:

Dear Ann: My girlfriend and I are high school seniors. She was three weeks late last month, and we were scared stiff. Thank the Lord she was not pregnant. I sat down, thought about what we were doing and asked myself the following questions:

1. Does she like kids? (No, she doesn’t.)

2. Does she want to be married? (Yes, but only because she would love to get out of the house.)

3. Is she immature? (Yes. She is impatient and doesn’t consider the consequences of her impetuous decisions.)

4. Is she ready to be tied down? (Absolutely not.)

5. Is she ready for diapers, cooking and housework? (No way.)

Then, I asked myself the following questions about me:

1. Do I like kids? (Only if they belong to someone else.)

2. Do I want to be married? (Not for a few years.)

3. Am I ready to sit home at night with a wife and kid? (No.)

4. Am I ready for rent, insurance, car payments, doctor’s bills, sick kids, dentist’s bills, etc.? (No way could I handle it. I’m still in high school.)

5. Am I mature enough to be a good father? (I don’t think so.)

6. What would my folks say if I told them my girl was pregnant? (This is a nightmare I don’t want to think about.)

I am 17, and my girlfriend is 16. Every time we get in the mood to go to bed, we stop and read this list of questions. Believe me, it cools things off real quick.

Maybe other teenagers who are having sex and not thinking about the consequences will benefit from reading this. - Relieved and Feeling Lucky in Long Island

Dear Ann Landers: I am a senior citizen who has a very burdensome problem that is so distressful I don’t know how to handle it.

I have four grown children who constantly put me on a guilt trip about their childhood. It breaks my heart the way they talk about their dead father. Fifty years ago, things were different. I was always busy cooking, baking, cleaning, running household errands (no car) and doing laundry (no permanent press in those years). My husband worked six days a week and his main goal was to give his family a nice home and security.

I realize now that nothing in life is as important as making time to have fun together as a family. We were not very affectionate and never told the kids, “I love you.” Our parents never said that to us either, but we knew we were loved.

My kids won’t forgive us for the emptiness in their lives when they were growing up. They have made me feel like a total failure. How should I respond when they go on and on about their unhappy childhood? - Feeling Guilty in Woodbridge, Va.

Dear Woodbridge: It sounds as if your children are trying to shift the blame for their personal failures onto you. Tell them you’re sorry you made mistakes but you did the best you could with what you had to work with at the time. You might also add, “I hope you will do better with your children.”