Try A Real Snow Sport - Grab A Sled
Yes, it’s that time of year again, when snow fills the air and a simple trip to the store becomes a dangerous, unpredictable journey - somewhat akin to swimming to Australia.
Those ski or snowboard kids at school are starting to get far off looks in their eyes and can’t help telling you about their “way cool” slope adventures. Countless wonderful viewing hours of “Baywatch” are interrupted by annoyingly hip snowboard and ski commercials geared to appeal to “Generation X.”
All this ski and snowboard hoopla has always gotten me a little mad. I have been a hard-core sledder for years, and never once gained the media spotlight. In fact, sledding has been all but shunned by the media - except for the pathetically cutesy shots of toddlers going down a twofoot bump on the six-o-clock news.
Sledding has been pigeonholed as a kids’ sport, to be grown out of at the age of 10.
Well, nothing could be further from the truth. Sledding attracts the real crazy rebellious dudes that snowboarding only claims to have. It could be the next cool activity - maybe enough to merit a special edition on MTV Sports. I can just see Dan Cortese barreling down a golf course hill, running smack into a tree and being run over by a jumbo toboggan carrying a family of six.
Wouldn’t that be great?
Sledding is superior because it is an extreme sport in its purest form. You basically cling to a piece of cheap plastic going down a huge incline resembling the Grand Canyon while trying to avoid rocks, trees, small animals, passing cars and other stuff that gets in the way - without the aid of steering.
You do this in blurred vision and great pain, mainly because a gallon of snow is spraying in your face and one half of your body is being raked across the ground because you didn’t see that last bump.
The price is also right for poor kids like myself. Sleds cost a couple bucks at White Elephant and waterproof coveralls are found at Value Village. Much better than $400 for boots and bindings, right?
The travel cost is also good: golf courses are usually only a few miles from most houses. There are no admission or lift charges and no established paths. A sledder makes his own path, without worrying about those sissy ski patrollers yelling at him.
Sledding also takes zero time to learn, so there are no lesson charges. You don’t have to be Mr. Universe to sled. All you have to do is hang on and sometimes remember to keep your butt up.
Skiers and boarders also don’t have to worry about the weird drunken people sledding next to them. For some reason, golf courses tend to attract a lot of intoxicated vagrant types in the evening.
All skiers and boarders have to worry about is if they look good in their snazzy new outfits, or being back to the lodge in time for tea.
Sledding is more challenging, exciting and cool than skiing or boarding put together. So, hey Mr. Cortese, where are you?