Inject Possibility Of Embarrassment
Dear Miss Manners: I work at a doctor’s office where patients and others show their appreciation, especially at Christmas, with gifts, usually foodstuffs.
These items are addressed to “Staff” or “Staff and Dr.” or simply handed to one of us.
Usually, the doctor or his wife, the office administrator, take these gifts home for their personal use without ever acknowledging that they were for the employees. One patient brought four boxes of candy, specifying that two were for the physician and two for the rest of the office. None of us were offered even a sample!
Another time, a container of candy handed to one of the technicians for the technicians was picked up by the doctor and placed on his private desk!
The entire staff finds this behavior offensive, but we are at a loss as to how to respond when gift-givers inquire how we liked their presents! What can we do?
Gentle Reader: Tell the doctor and his wife that the staff must, of course, write a thank-you letter to the kind donors of these presents, but that you are all disturbed about being unable to describe the chocolates because you never tasted them. Therefore, (you will continue) everybody has decided to thank the patients for their thoughts, and assure them that they will be hearing from those who actually got to enjoy the treat.
Please note that Miss Manners has phrased this threat in the plural. This is essential, so that no one person gets into trouble with the boss, but that he understands that he has an officewide problem on his hands.
Dear Miss Manners: My husband and I exchange gifts with 30-plus family members. It is rewarding to find that perfect gift for each individual, but it’s bound to happen that something is the wrong size, color, etc., and for that reason, I shop at malls close to home so as not to inconvenience those who need (or want) to exchange their gifts.
This works well in my family, but my husband’s family will call and tell me that I need to exchange or return their gift.
I feel that by shopping close by, at large stores, and leaving the store name and bar code (but not the price tag) on each gift, I have been more than considerate. I think my duties and obligations have been completed with the gift-giving and do not include exchanging gifts, which could result in yet another incorrect size or color.
Am I correct?
Gentle Reader: The only point on which Miss Manners disagrees with you is whether it is really necessary to keep giving presents to people who have proven themselves to be dissatisfied and ungrateful.
She doesn’t want to interfere in family matters, but if it were she, they would get a cheery greeting and maybe one of those fruitcakes that make the rounds among people who can’t stand fruitcake.
Of course you are right that present-giving does not require continuing to give until the object of one’s generosity pronounces himself satisfied. You have provided a great deal of information on how the recipient can adjust the present.
Should you be asked to perform this task, Miss Manners suggests saying, “I’m terribly sorry you don’t like it; I had wanted so much to please you. Just donate it to charity, would you? I’m sure someone would appreciate it.”
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The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Judith Martin United Features Syndicate