Pack Leader There Are Many Similarities Between Kids And Dogs; Their Need For Leadership Is One

Sorry, Penelope Leach and Dr. Spock. Everything I know about parenting, I’ve learned from my dogs.

Which may, in part, explain why my toddler likes having his belly scratched, why he thinks a “kiss” involves lapping a sloppy tongue across someone’s face, and why, when he doesn’t get his way, he bares his teeth.

But I had dogs first, so my parenting orientation is based on what’s known in the dog world as the “pack leader” concept.

Through extensive study of wolf packs, it’s been determined that each pack has a pair of leaders, one male and one female, known as the “pack leaders.” These “alphas” are in charge of running the show and making sure that no one flushes Legos down the toilet, for instance, or chucks Brio trains at potted plants.

Subordinate members of the wolf pack continuously test the hierarchy by such primitive but genetically driven behaviors as throwing food from their high chair at astonishing speeds, protesting the use of actual clothing by instead preferring to run around butt naked, and attempting to ignore the pack leaders when they say it’s time to go night-night.

Nonetheless, packs function most effectively when there is clear leadership, and the savvy pack leaders figure out ways to stay in charge.

“Excuse me, Ms. National Geographic, but we’re not WOLVES,” a friend told me years ago, back in the days before I had a baby. “And you have NO IDEA what it’s like to have kids!”

“Yeah, in fact, my son won’t eat ANYTHING I give him,” someone else said.

“My toddler takes knickknacks off the coffee table and breaks them into a thousand pieces!”

“Mine won’t go to bed!”

“Mine won’t get out of bed!”

But now I know. Children and dogs are different.

For instance, kids don’t shed, or threaten to maim the UPS delivery man, or feel compelled to urinate on every bush and tree in the back yard.

Moreover, kids only have two muddy feet to traipse across the kitchen floors, and they tend to enjoy their baths, whereas my dogs spend their bath times plotting how they’re going to contact, and turn me over to, the SPCA.

On the other hand, there are many similarities. Both kids and dogs like to find really gross things on the ground, and then put them in their mouths. Both are wary of strangers, want to eat whatever you’re eating, sleep in your bed and, if possible, chase cats.

Both have an irrational fear of vacuum cleaners, neither likes broccoli, both are unwilling to perform on command.

“Sing,” I once said to Tosca, my serenading German shepherd, as we, surrounded by an army of cameras, lights and crew, auditioned for “The Tonight Show.”

“Show them how you can use your spoon, honey,” I said to my toddler, when his grandparents visited. “Show them how you can drink from a cup.”

Tosca responded to the “Sing!” request with silence, my toddler responded to the spoon and cup request by massaging a handful of yogurt into his scalp, and dumping his cup on the floor.

And similarly, in both kids and dogs, a lot of behavior problems are caused by boredom and isolation, which is why they are always so busy entertaining themselves by testing the boundaries.

“No is no. Once you’ve drawn a line in the sand, assuming that it’s a fair and reasonable line, that’s it,” said police dog trainer and all-around nice guy Jimmy Patrick. “You have to positively reinforce and reward good behavior, while at the same time, setting and consistently enforcing appropriate limits.”

Effective parenting requires setting a lot of limits. It also requires time, energy, patience, consistency, courage, love, a sense of fun, a sense of humor - and an occasional cookie.

Kids, like dogs, need good pack leaders.