Vigilance And Time Stop Biting

Question: Our 15-month-old son has recently started biting other children, usually when there’s some conflict over toys or territory, but sometimes without provocation. We’ve scolded him, popped his bottom, isolated him in his crib, and even tried biting him ourselves on one occasion, but nothing has worked. If anything, his biting has worsened over the last few weeks.

This is very distressing to us, all the more so because the parents of the children he’s bitten seem to blame us. One mother asked us not to bring him to her house until we’ve taught him not to bite. But we don’t know how to teach him not to bite! Could we be doing something to cause his biting? Can you tell us how to get it to stop?

Answer: The fact is, some toddlers bite and others don’t, just like some suck their thumbs and others don’t. Why? No one knows.

To put you at ease, let me assure you that no connection between parenting style and biting has ever been established. Nor is biting at this age indicative of psychological problems. Furthermore, the fact that a toddler bites does not portend later problems getting along with other children or behavioral difficulties of any sort.

I’m not aware of any method that is guaranteed to stop a toddler from teething forcefully (the politically correct term) on other people. I do know, however, that the more of a big deal one makes of a child’s biting, the worse it is likely to become.

In that regard, the best thing for adults to do when one child bites another is remain calm. Spanking, biting the biter, jumping up and down while imploring the heavens to lift this burden from your shoulders and similar histrionics will probably prove a waste of time and energy.

I say probably because parents occasionally tell me that they cured a child’s biting by spanking or biting the child. In good conscience, I cannot recommend either technique, and I suspect that when such means do work, they do so serendipitously. To parents who, like yourselves, have tried spanking or biting, I’d point out that if one or the other doesn’t work the first time, it’s probably not going to work.

In all likelihood, then, time will cure the problem. In the meantime, you can (a) try your best to prevent your little one from biting and (b) respond effectively when he does.

Prevention requires that you be able to anticipate when he’s about to bite. Obviously, the presence of another child in his “territory” is a good predictor. The odds of his biting increase the closer he is playing to the other child and as conflict develops over a toy.

If you see signals that he’s working himself up to a bite (i.e. distress), move in and either remove him from the playing field or distract him.

Unfortunately, as you’ve already pointed out, he sometimes bites without provocation. That brings us to the question of how best to respond when his teeth find their target. The following suggestions may be helpful:

As quickly as possible, separate teeth from flesh and remove your son from the scene of the crime.

Take him to a private area and admonish him, but briefly, as in, “No biting!” Tell him to remain where he is until you come back to get him. (Don’t count on his obeying this last instruction, and ignore it if he doesn’t.)

Console the bitee, but don’t make a big deal of the injury. If the bite has broken the skin, administer a topical antibiotic and call a pediatrician for further instructions.

Retrieve your child and return him to the group.

Be vigilant, but don’t let on that you’re on the alert for another incident.

Remember that Rome wasn’t built in a day.

xxxx