Watch For Symptoms Of Deadly Auto Show Fever
There haven’t been any advisories from the Centers for Disease Control.
But Saturday at the Spokane Interstate Fairgrounds, the symptoms were plain to see. So here, presented as a public service, are the 11 Warning Signs of Auto Show Fever.
If you or a loved one experienced any of these symptoms over the weekend, take two aspirin and call your financial planner.
1.) The overpowering urge to look at your bank book through rose-tinted glasses based on parking lot size-ups of your fellow consumers. Saying to yourself “Hey, these people don’t look like they could afford a new car any more than I can” is the first step on a slippery slope.
2.) Clinging to the naive belief that simply refusing to make eye contact with sales people will keep you from turning into commission meat.
3.) Pretending to know what “turbo” means.
4.) Uncontrollably mumbling “If only I owned this shiny eucalyptus green Saab 9000 with the sun roof, my life would be perfect.” (Though considered a symptom of Auto Show Fever, this also happens to be a true fact.)
5.) Not letting the guy from the Buick dealership get a word in as you show your wife and teenage son all the great features of the new LeSabre. “And look, here on the dash …”
6.) Uncontrollably mumbling “ALL of these cars are beautiful … NONE of them are covered with winter grime … I want to own each and every car at this show and I want to own them all now … do they take Visa here?”
7.) Leaning under a propped-up hood and drooling on an immaculate black and silver engine while fantasizing about actually passing the emissions test.
8.) Telling your husband, while walking through the makeshift tunnel connecting the exhibit areas, “You know, we really owe it to the local economy to do our share of spending.”
9.) Getting behind the wheel of a spotless sport utility vehicle parked beneath the lights and feeling that headache you’ve had since 1991 start to dissipate.
10.) Giggling and getting a dopey grin on your face as you unabashedly use words such as “adorable” and “cute” to describe a new Suzuki.
11.) You acquire a far-away look that has the potential to last for three years or 36,000 miles.
, DataTimes MEMO: Being There is a weekly feature that visits gatherings in the Inland Northwest.