Too Young To Know Any Better
In the words of that great deep thinker Princess Di, ‘Who knows what ends up when you’re just 18?’ Those might not have been her exact words, but they do convey her message. When you marry too young, you’re asking for trouble. That’s a thought even nonroyals can agree with.
Carol: “In 1970, at the ripe old age of 18, I got married. He was 19. I had graduated from high school and we both had fairly good jobs. It was the era of Woodstock, Vietnam and women’s lib. I was thrilled that the Homecoming King chose me and I believed I no longer faced options like college, career and independence. On the day of my large, expensive wedding, I clearly remember feeling scared enough to question my impending venture. I realize now that I wasn’t in love with my fiance. I was in love with love. I was far too young and immature to make a life commitment. Seven years and two children later, I wanted more but my husband was satisfied. I wanted college, freedom, no more children. He was offended and disillusioned by my goals. I began to believe in myself and aim toward goals outside the confines of homemaker and mother. We got divorced and I was forced to raise my children alone. His resentment turned him against his sons for nearly 15 years. We all survived, thanks to support from my parents and siblings. Too many women wrap themselves in a bitter cocoon for a lifetime.”
Lisa: “My husband and I got married when I was 22 and he was 24. I was a senior in college and he had just graduated. He took a less than ideal job because he was tired of looking. After the excitement wore off, we argued about the bills, the dishes, who forgot to put gas in the car and even whose responsibility it was to get the mail. The confident, ambitious young man I fell in love with turned into an overbearing, obnoxious, know-it-all. I, on the other hand, was a great disappointment to him, too. Upon graduating, I couldn’t find a job, so I became clingy, oversensitive and whiney and lost all my self-esteem. After five years of trying to make it work, we discussed a divorce. But court costs are $500 and lawyers want another $500 just to file the papers. I was told that this process could take up to six months to complete. I found that very odd, because when I came to the courts, at the impressionable age of 22 with high hopes and unreal expectations, they simply said, ‘$25, ma’am, and 24 hours.’ Getting into a marriage should be as hard as getting out of one. Perhaps then silly young people who feel emotionally lovey-dovey, won’t make a quick decision that will affect them all of their lives. Before 25, you don’t even know who you are, let alone have the capability to pledge that person to someone till death do you part. I have changed and so has my husband. We don’t like the new person either has become.”
Sarah: “I married my high school sweetheart when I was 19. I’m now 23 and have a 2-year-old son. Even though I love my husband and child, I wish I would have waited. I thought I was so grown up and knew everything there was to know, but now I realize I know just a fraction about life and what it’s really about. At 19, I should have been worrying about what I was going to wear and where I was going to go on the weekend. Instead, I was worrying about how the rent was going to get paid. I recommend that anyone who is thinking of getting married at a young age should wait. If it’s meant to be, it will happen. Why rush life, marriage and parenting? Take time to find yourself, further your education, party a little. Once you get married or become a parent, you can’t just think about yourself anymore. Take this time to be selfish and pamper yourself. Believe me, I wish I would have taken my own advice.”
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