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Busted

Revered as a football coach, the recently retired Don Shula was a perceptive critic of the media as well. Take the time at Dolphins training camp when he passed a table where two writers were eating lunch.

“Oh look,” Shula said. “There’s one NFL source talking to another NFL source.”

Sudden-death overkill

Surely you read about Texas A&M marketing caskets with the Aggie logo in the lining for the, uh, diehard fan. The upshot is that Aggie models are selling so well that the company which makes them now plans on marketing Buckeye boxes for Ohio State alums.

Who will thoughtfully ship them on to John Cooper.

They also serve those who only sit and eat

And Milwaukee Bucks center Kevin Duckworth has been doing a lot of that lately. Last week, his streak of DNP-CDs that’s NBA stat-speak for Did Not Play-Coach’s Decision - reached 15 games.

This has left Duckworth a great deal of time to think. And what’s he thinking about? Well, his best bench-sitting positions.

The winner: left elbow resting on the left thigh, with his chin cradled in his left hand.

“Very comfortable,” said Duckworth.

Does he like the position because it allows his right hand to call on the courtside vendors? Duckworth appears to have beefed up since being traded from the Washington Bullets. The Bucks list his weight at 290 pounds.

“Don’t ask me about how much I weigh,” Duckworth said. “That’s like asking a woman her age.”

So much for the hearty Montana spirit

The inaugural running of the Montarod dog sled race last week was postponed because - ta-da! - a storm that coated Montana with snow and ice left the planned route too risky for dogs and mushers.

That’s right. A dog-sled race called on account of snow. It has been rescheduled for March.

If they really want to play it safe, we’d suggest Arizonarod.

A dressing down

49ers receiver John Taylor spent the Dec. 3 game against the Buffalo Bills standing on the sideline in street clothes because of his bruised hip.

Imagine his surprise when he was notified the next day that he had been fined $10,000 for uniform violation.

“What are they talking about, out of uniform?” Taylor said. “I didn’t even dress.”

It turns out he was cited for wearing a Nike sweatshirt underneath a 49ers Reebok jacket. The fine was later dropped, but Taylor said that similar episodes have reaffirmed his decision to retire.

John, John, John - when will you learn? The Nike sweatshirt goes with the Starter jacket, the Reebok jacket with the Adidas shirt. Would you wear brown Nike socks with blue Pony shoes?

The last word …

“Scientists announced that to keep up with the earth’s rotation, another second would be added to the world’s clock on New Year’s Eve. Which means Mike Tyson will be able to squeeze in one more fight.”

- NBC’s Conan O’Brien

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo