Forgiveness, Love Expand Our Spirit
“… the more persistent in the face of adversity any human being is, the richer will be his pattern of life, the happier he will be contending with his life, the bigger his spirit or share of God will grow, and the easier he will face his death. … Learn to be busy with hands and mind, for then grief is less unbearable. Acquire a taste for beauty in the world around you, in the books you read, in the pictures you see, in the house you inhabit, in the street where your house is, in the town where your street is. Grow all kinds of things to keep your brain and eyes and skin constantly exposed to the adventures of growth and life. And accept the world for what it is while doing everything in your power to make it a better place.”
- Colleen McCullough, “A Creed for the Third Millennium”
Dear Jennifer: My partner and I were moved by your last two columns. In one you beautifully answered the sarcastic man who wanted you to move to an island. In the other, you gave hope and encouragement to Karen, who is facing a low time in her life. We would like to help Karen. Here is $100 towards her power bill, in order that she might rest a little easier. Thanks for all you do; We are awestruck at times by your willingness to return love and reason for hate and venom. As gay men we have seen our share of hatred and bigotry. We have learned about forgiveness, about letting go and moving on.
Shalom, Michael and Gabriel
Dear Michael and Gabriel, Thank you for bringing the holiday spirit of giving into our office. We appreciate your kind thoughts and generous check.
Sometimes it seems that those of us who have known hard times or abuse understand what it means to love in a more universal way than those who have not. When we are tested we get to choose between love and hate. I’ve found that hate and revenge (although I still indulge once in awhile) sap my energy and spirit while love and forgiveness expands both. So we choose love because it is good for us.
The family you sent the check for is in better shape now, thanks to other contributions. So, with your permission, we have sent your check, through the Community Service Committee, to pay the power and heating bill for another family in even more painful circumstances.
- Jennifer
Dear Readers: One of the hard things we face in my office is when we receive a despairing note with no address. We are very careful to protect people’s anonymity and we can help.
We received this note last week. I print it here because it reveals two signs of potential suicide, the sense of powerlessness and hopelessness.
We may not be able to help this person, but you can listen for these words and perhaps help someone close to you. “I am not as strong as I seem. I’m not good enough now or in the next now. Years of myself is wasted. I’m not safe. The harm has been done. The harm given me was a life sentence of emptiness. No one knows. It hurts too much being here. Please help me.” The Crisis Clinic (838-4428 in Spokane) can help. My book “Women (or men) and the Blues” has chapters on what to do in the middle of the night.
Many people know the “hour of the wolf” when their very being is unsafe. Russian folklore tells us that the most dangerous time for humans is the hour before dawn because that is when the great black wolves of the Russian forests are hungriest. If your soul is undefended they will consume it. Depression leaves your deepest self undefended.
Twenty years ago I faced what you seem to be facing. It was Christmas, I believed I faced a life sentence of abandonment. I described it then as being like Alice in Wonderland biting from the wrong side of the cookie, growing smaller and smaller until “poof.”
A friend sent me a little book, “How To Survive the Loss of A Love,” and I realized I was not the only one in pain. Now, while I can easily imagine searing emotional pain revisiting my life, I cannot imagine not living every moment.
Abandonment is the most painful loss of self that we face and to tell the writer of this note that she or he will heal is not comforting when the pain is so real. But we do heal, we do find ways to fill our emptiness, life is worth the pain and the risk.
Stay with us through this grey season. Write to us and we will send you what we have to help you create safety and hope.
- Jennifer
The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Jennifer James The Spokesman-Review