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The trite stuff

Each year, Gene Collier of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette bestows his Trite Trophy on the most “hideous cliche” of the year. And the 1995 winner? “West Coast offense, kids,” Collier explains. “A worthy titlist if ever one existed, and an attempt by the incredibly lazy to explain a comprehensive style of play in four syllables, a direct descendant of Smashmouth Football.”

This marks the 12th year Collier has bestowed the awards. Past trite champions include: the red zone, mentality of a linebacker, crunch time and gut check.

We can hear Dan Dierdorf now: “Deion plays with the mentality of a linebacker - especially in crunch time, when opposing teams face a real gut check if they dare throw at him in the red zone.”

Arizona gives the cold shoulder

Arizona Wildcats coach Lute Olson bailed out of Saturday’s basketball game at St. Joe’s in Philly, claiming he was afraid of getting stuck in bad weather.

That didn’t stop St. Joe’s from making like the game was still on - and milking Arizona’s no-show for all it was worth. The Hawks showed up at the Palestra for the scheduled 4 p.m. game, conducting their warmup drills before maybe 50 people. The projected starting lineups for both teams were announced - the invisible Wildcats were booed lustily - and St. Joseph’s Hawk mascot tossed up the ball.

Since there was no opposition, 5-foot-9 guard Mark Bass had no trouble controlling the tap. Johnson hit his shot and St. Joesph’s claimed victory in a game that will be listed as a cancellation.

School officials acknowledged the show was a media event, and coach Phil Martelli initially played to the cameras. “Where are they?” he said, his eyes blinking as the sunshine outside filtered into the old gymnasium. “The sun’s getting in my eyes.”

But Martelli’s voice soon rose in anger as he talked about what he felt was the real reason for Arizona’s no-show. “It’s clearly based on the competitive level of our last game,” said Martelli, whose team took top-ranked UMass into overtime Wednesday. “In my neighborhood, if you didn’t want to fight somebody, you ran and hid, and that’s exactly what they did. They recruit McDonald’s All-Americans. I recruit guys who eat at McDonald’s, and they don’t want to compete.”

Andy Rooney, he’s not

The Good Doctor in Inside Sports magazine was asked to quote Joe Montana’s most controversial comment on TV this NFL season. His findings? “Steve Young usually gives around 109 percent out there.”

Horror show

The Orlando Magic, diverted from Philadelphia by the blizzard, found themselves in a hotel bar in Allentown, Pa., with a wedding party, a touring Sesame Street troupe and an alternative punk band calling itself Marylyn Manson. “It was like the scene in Star Wars where you have all the animals from different planets in the bar,” center Jon Koncak said.

Horace Grant claimed one rocker, called the Grim Reaper, had 10 times the tattoos of Dennis Rodman. Koncak took one look at the Reaper character and said, “I couldn’t look him in the eye. I figured if I made eye contact three times, I’d be dead.”

The last word …

“I don’t mind being in a room full of snakes if the lights are on.”

- Heavyweight boxer Tommy Morrison, asserting that it isn’t so bad being associated with promoter Don King

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo