Hair Talk Many Customers Bare Their Souls To The Listener Who Cuts Their Hair

Maybe this has happened to you.

You’re sitting back, minding your own business, getting your hair cut. Suddenly, without really trying to eavesdrop, you become aware that the person getting clipped at the next station is telling an extremely personal story. It’s as if you’ve somehow been transported to the audience of one of those confessional daytime talk shows.

Well, rest assured. It wasn’t an isolated incident.

Spokane area hair stylists say “spilling” - customers sharing highly personal pieces of information - happens all the time. It is, in fact, so common that many stylists regard lending a sympathetic ear to tales of relationship woes and workplace frictions as just another part of the job.

“I think it’s pretty universal,” said Renee Miesen, who operates a North Side salon.

She theorized that some people are willing to tell their stylists anything and everything because the salon is a particularly non-threatening atmosphere. Also, in many cases, the person telling the real-life stories realizes that the stylist does not know the people being discussed.

“And part of it, I think, is that sometimes people just want someone to talk to,” added Miesen, who, like others interviewed, said she observes a priest-like code of silence about things she hears from people in her chair.

The shared confidences range from accounts of drug use and child abuse to the all-time No. 1 hair salon chart-topper - sex.

“You name it, I’ve heard it,” said stylist Debra Hayden. “I hear everything. From what goes on in their beds at home to what goes on in beds away from home.”

Some of these reports are astonishingly graphic, said another stylist.

At other times, the customers’ accounts lean more toward thoughtful assessments of insecurities, jealousies and whathave-you.

In any case, several stylists said the same exact thing: “I could write a book.”

Gordon Nelson, creative director for the Regis chain of hair salons, thinks it is no mystery why people reveal secrets to the person wielding the scissors and comb. “The whole nature of the experience is personal,” he said. “So you let your guard down.”

The simple fact that the stylist actually touches you breaks down barriers, he said. And because the stylist-customer relationship starts out with a discussion of something that is hugely important to many people - their hair - the trust that evolves during subsequent appointments can be a powerful bond.

“Successful stylists are good listeners,” said Nelson. “It’s not enough to be good technically.”

Of course, some customers don’t want the stylist to be a silent sounding board. They want interaction. They want counsel that has nothing to do with whether or not to go with a layered look this winter.

A survey conducted a few years ago by an Ohio-based hair-product manufacturer indicated that 84 percent of those polled would trust the advice of their hairdresser over their therapist.

And anecdotal evidence suggests that there are, in fact, stylists who do not limit themselves to issues such as length and color when offering recommendations.

But more than a few hair professionals try to steer clear of being cast in the role of marriage counselors or career consultants. “At our salon, we try to discourage that and keep the focus on hair,” said stylist Charlet Herrick. “I’m not a psychologist.”

Nevertheless, what’s a hair-cutter to do when a customer asks “Can we talk?”

“We hear people’s innermost secrets,” said stylist Kathy Bentley. “I almost always know when people are having affairs.”

Coeur d’Alene’s Cheryl Harriman is often among the first to hear when a couple is breaking up. And chances are she’ll also hear exactly why.

“Nothing really shocks me anymore,” she said.

Stylists disagree about whether men are as likely as women to do a core dump once they plop down in the chair. Some say men are more apt to talk about sports or politics than to volunteer personal information. Others insist men don’t take a back seat when it comes to spinning soap opera-esque tales of real life.

Modern-looking salons aren’t the only settings for tell-all revelations.

“This job is almost like being a bartender,” said Bob Stone at Bob’s Barber Shop in Davenport.

It’s worth noting that these shared confidences need not involve anything racy or scandalous. Many people regard their stylist or barber as a friend. So there’s nothing weird about updating that individual on how things are going.

Most of the time, the things said while bangs are being trimmed would make for a pretty ho-hum episode of “Oprah.”

But then there are those other times.

“You hear it all,” said stylist Ramona DiBiasi. “Sometimes more than you want to hear.”

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Staff illustration by Molly Quinn